I was asked to help out. I didn't fully realize what I was getting myself into, but that first encounter changed my life. Mostly it changed who I was to become on the inside and later, it changed what I was to become on the outside. It's funny how that happens sometimes, it happens when you least expect it, when you are ill-prepared and when you are most vulnerable. Maybe that's how God likes it. That way He can take full credit for setting things up. After all, doesn't it say in Psalms that His Word is the light to my path and a lamp to my feet? In other words--He lights the way that I should go and He sets in motion those encounters that have changed my life.
It started when I received a phone call. Could I help co-facilitate a sexual abuse group? What? That's really what I said. What? I was shocked. I had absolutely no experience in dealing with sexual abuse nor sexual assault. Someone had obviously given this poor man the wrong name and number. But no, he insisted I was the right person for the job and could I please at least meet with him and talk this through. I hesitantly said yes, and we met later for coffee. He said he wanted me to help him with a group of women that needed counseling. I would be there as a co-facilitator, a sounding board, and a listener. He had prayed about who he would ask to help him and my name was the only name that came to him. He was insistent. I was stunned. I remember saying to him over and over that I did not have experience in this type of thing, that I couldn't relate to these poor women, that I wasn't qualified, and that I was totally inadequate. And yet, he just sat there and said please help me. They need you.
I went home that afternoon fully intending to say no, but I told him I would pray about it, and get back to him as soon as possible. I prayed, I talked it over with my husband, and I waited for God to say no--I just knew He was going to say no, I certainly hoped He would anyway. I did not want to counsel women who had been abused, I did not want to hear their stories--I knew that hearing them would break my heart. Sexual abuse? No way, not my thing! I was not trained, nor was I qualified, I was completely inadequate, I was not the right person for the job!
However, a few days later as I sat there praying away in my rocking chair, God began to do something in my heart. He began to break it for those women, and He began to put a desire in my heart to help them. As inadequate and poorly educated as I felt--I knew that somehow, someway, I was supposed to help out.
My first night at group was the night that changed my life. You see, this group took place at my church. I walked into the room, and there before me sitting in a circle were about 25 women that I personally knew. My reaction startled me. I began to cry. I didn't know that I would know them. I guess I thought they would all be strangers, but they weren't. They were my friends and acquaintances. I pulled myself together and was introduced as the co-facilitator and was welcomed with open arms. Literally, they hugged and comforted me, telling me that they, along with the counselor had been praying for me. They said they knew that I was the right person to come alongside him and help them. Humbling doesn't begin to describe how I felt that night. I think they thought that I was there for them during that first 12-week session. However, they were the ones that helped me. Because of them I went back to school and finished my degree, I went on to counsel other abuse survivors, did crisis counseling, worked a suicide hotline, and much more. And because of them, I gained a heart for listening. That first encounter all those many years ago not only changed my life but it changed my life course.
Now when I get those phone calls I take them very seriously. I listen intently to that still small voice of God, I wait, I pray and then I say--well God if you think I should--and I do it. All because of that first encounter.
Encounters--you always have a first but I hope and pray that I never have a last.
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