I can't get him off my mind. Since yesterday morning, he's all I can think about. When this happens (and yes, it does happen often) I pray. I sit back and listen to the still voice of God. And then I ask questions. Lots of questions.
What is it about him that you want me to notice? What did he do, and why did he do it? Yes, I am sitting here in my family room, in my brown leather rocker, praying, typing, and rocking away. Who am I talking/thinking about? I'm talking about David. You know, the guy in the Bible. The David and Goliath David. I just can't stop thinking about him.
He was just a teenager you know--when he went up against Goliath. It struck me again this morning--he was just a teenager! I am wondering--would he have been so quick to volunteer to go up against Goliath had he been older and wiser and more knowledgeable, or maybe better educated, or steeped in tradition. Had he been 40 or 50, would he have volunteered? I'm not so sure. In fact, I don't think he would have. Why not? Well, now that's a good question. And that's what I'm pondering.
I believe the question God is asking me right now, right this very minute is--what are the giants in your life? Yep, that's what He's saying to me alright. He wants me to list the giants, the things deep down in my heart that looks too big for me to go up against. And, I don't want to, I don't want to list them, or say them out loud or even acknowledge them. Or maybe I should just say it. I don't want to acknowledge that giant of mine because if I do, it becomes real. And real giants are scary. And I'm not David. And I'm not young. And I'm afraid of my giant.
My giant happens to be a person too. Not like Goliath. Not that type of person. However, the metaphor is much the same. I am thinking that if maybe I were younger I'd have a more invincible attitude, I'd be fearless. But, I'm not younger. I'm older. I'm jaded. And now I'm sad. Saddened that this jaded heart of mine has given up. Why am I so afraid to confront my giant? And just when did that fear creep in? I didn't even know it was there! And yet--there it is. Fear. I am afraid of my giant. It's right there in front of me, looking at me and daring me to come and slay it. Metaphorically of course.
I know that God is with me--however, my educated, mature mind is telling me to back off, to be careful, to not say a wrong word, or do the wrong thing. I can hear that inner voice--be careful, you just might offend someone, you might make them mad, you might lose them forever. That's really what I'm afraid of--losing them forever. When I deeply love someone, the last thing I want to do is lose them forever, right?
So, I'm careful, so very very careful. I tell myself--don't say the wrong thing, don't dare slip up or take a stand or do anything that might push them away. Be careful. Be careful. Be careful.
And then there's God's voice. Be bold, be strong, for the Lord your God is with you!
Today, I must be a David. I must take a stand, I must say and do the hard thing. That is God's challenge for me. Am I willing, can I do it? I hope so. Because right now, today, I feel stuck. I read about the Davids of the Bible and I realize that I am no David. Not by a long shot. I do not have that feeling of invincibility or faith for that matter--where I can face the giants in my life and trust that God will be with me.
I do not want to be stuck, I do not want to walk a faithless walk. Remember, I was the one who wanted to live a fearless life. So what has happened to paralyze me with fear? I think I know, no, I know I know. It's just admitting it. It boils down to saying it out loud, confessing it, asking God to forgive me, changing my attitude and walking in His true calling of my life. It boils down to obedience.
What if David had said to the Lord--no God, I am afraid, I will not go up against Goliath. We wouldn't have a story of faith now, would we? No, we'd have a story of defeat. And honestly, I can not handle the thought of my life being a story of defeat. So I will pray, ask for strength, and I will know that God is present (and always will be) with me as I face the giant in my life. This person, whom I love with all my heart, must be challenged.
Pray for me, as I summon up the courage to face my giant. I desperately need God's wisdom and His words. I need His guidance and His love and his timing, for it has to be precise. Just like David's rock--it must land in the nick of time. This person, this giant is walking on very shaky ground. And if this person takes one more step away from God--I fear there will be no going back. I fear for them, and their children. Their very souls are in God's hands. Please God, give me the courage to speak out for you.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Just Kidding
Something kind of unbelievable just happened. However, first off before I share this little story, please understand that I was just joking around. I wasn't serious and I know for certain that God didn't take me too seriously either, or did He?
A few days ago I lost part of an earring. It was a little blue glass bead about half the size of a pea. These were not expensive earrings, in fact, to be honest, I rarely wore them. They were pretty and dainty though, and I did really like them. We had gone to church that morning and had just come home from having lunch with friends. We were relaxing on the sofa, and as usual, I was playing with my hair--when I noticed the missing earring piece. I was so sad because I just knew I'd never find it. I had been at church, in a restaurant, at a large department store, in my car (which is a convertible) and all over my house. Did I mention that my house has carpet? No, I had no hope of ever finding that little tiny piece to my earring, ever. I looked everywhere but could not find it.
The next morning while spending some time praying, I jokingly said--you know God if you found that little earring for me, I'd know that my husband was supposed to go back to Congo. I laughed--really I did. I was not serious at all. Or was I? Oh, the Congo thing was real enough. You see, my husband had been praying about returning. Yes, I just said returning to Congo!
And me? Well, I was praying too. Praying that he did not go back--not so soon anyway. It is very dangerous over there, and he wouldn't be going with the same church group. This time it was pure water and electrical stuff. Instead of missional, it would be mechanical. Instead of having the backing and protection of our church, it would be backed and funded by a different group. And honestly, it scared me a little (ok, a lot.) So, he asked me to pray with him--and I did. I prayed that he wouldn't go.
No, I didn't, I prayed and asked God to give him a clear word of direction--to go or stay. Secretly though--I didn't want him going back so soon. He had only been home a couple of months. And hadn't I just wiped the sweat from my brow and hadn't I just swallowed a huge sigh of relief upon his return? The thought of him going back so soon was a little too much for me. Hey, I'm just being real here!
Thus, the earring incident. If you help me find that tiny little earring piece Lord, then I'll know it's your will that he go back. Clever. Until I found it. Yes, I found the stupid little earring, laying at my feet as I was sitting on the sofa watching TV a couple of nights later, hand draped over petting my dog. I looked down and saw something shiny--as soon as I saw it, I knew what it was. My heart stopped for a minute. I reached down to pick it up and yep, it was my earring all righty. I sat there rather dumbfounded. Well, Lord, I said--I guess he's going to Congo. And that's when I heard it. Deep down in my heart, I heard it--a chuckle. He spoke so clearly to me right then--you are the one who started this silly game, and I don't play games, remember?
I knew then that if God wanted my husband back in Congo--He would send him there. And He would not have to use an earring to convince me.
I am so thankful that God is patient with me. That He uses silly little things to teach me great big life lessons. I'm thankful that He has given my husband a heart for the people of Congo. And yes, I'm thankful that one day, he'll be going back. Probably a lot sooner that I even realize. When he does return to Congo, God will have His hand of protection on him, God will always be able to find him--even amongst the restaurants, the convertibles, and the carpeting--because He sees everything. He knows exactly, at all times, just where everything and everybody are located. If He can find a little earring, He can find my husband. He can and will protect him.
And guess what? I don't think I was just kidding at all. I think that somewhere deep down there was some truth to my joking. God saw through my fears though. He met me right where I was and He used my little lost earring as a lesson. He's always been like that with me. Teaching me, loving me, and protecting my heart. And I'm not kidding about that.
A few days ago I lost part of an earring. It was a little blue glass bead about half the size of a pea. These were not expensive earrings, in fact, to be honest, I rarely wore them. They were pretty and dainty though, and I did really like them. We had gone to church that morning and had just come home from having lunch with friends. We were relaxing on the sofa, and as usual, I was playing with my hair--when I noticed the missing earring piece. I was so sad because I just knew I'd never find it. I had been at church, in a restaurant, at a large department store, in my car (which is a convertible) and all over my house. Did I mention that my house has carpet? No, I had no hope of ever finding that little tiny piece to my earring, ever. I looked everywhere but could not find it.
The next morning while spending some time praying, I jokingly said--you know God if you found that little earring for me, I'd know that my husband was supposed to go back to Congo. I laughed--really I did. I was not serious at all. Or was I? Oh, the Congo thing was real enough. You see, my husband had been praying about returning. Yes, I just said returning to Congo!
And me? Well, I was praying too. Praying that he did not go back--not so soon anyway. It is very dangerous over there, and he wouldn't be going with the same church group. This time it was pure water and electrical stuff. Instead of missional, it would be mechanical. Instead of having the backing and protection of our church, it would be backed and funded by a different group. And honestly, it scared me a little (ok, a lot.) So, he asked me to pray with him--and I did. I prayed that he wouldn't go.
No, I didn't, I prayed and asked God to give him a clear word of direction--to go or stay. Secretly though--I didn't want him going back so soon. He had only been home a couple of months. And hadn't I just wiped the sweat from my brow and hadn't I just swallowed a huge sigh of relief upon his return? The thought of him going back so soon was a little too much for me. Hey, I'm just being real here!
Thus, the earring incident. If you help me find that tiny little earring piece Lord, then I'll know it's your will that he go back. Clever. Until I found it. Yes, I found the stupid little earring, laying at my feet as I was sitting on the sofa watching TV a couple of nights later, hand draped over petting my dog. I looked down and saw something shiny--as soon as I saw it, I knew what it was. My heart stopped for a minute. I reached down to pick it up and yep, it was my earring all righty. I sat there rather dumbfounded. Well, Lord, I said--I guess he's going to Congo. And that's when I heard it. Deep down in my heart, I heard it--a chuckle. He spoke so clearly to me right then--you are the one who started this silly game, and I don't play games, remember?
I knew then that if God wanted my husband back in Congo--He would send him there. And He would not have to use an earring to convince me.
I am so thankful that God is patient with me. That He uses silly little things to teach me great big life lessons. I'm thankful that He has given my husband a heart for the people of Congo. And yes, I'm thankful that one day, he'll be going back. Probably a lot sooner that I even realize. When he does return to Congo, God will have His hand of protection on him, God will always be able to find him--even amongst the restaurants, the convertibles, and the carpeting--because He sees everything. He knows exactly, at all times, just where everything and everybody are located. If He can find a little earring, He can find my husband. He can and will protect him.
And guess what? I don't think I was just kidding at all. I think that somewhere deep down there was some truth to my joking. God saw through my fears though. He met me right where I was and He used my little lost earring as a lesson. He's always been like that with me. Teaching me, loving me, and protecting my heart. And I'm not kidding about that.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Garage Sale
I've always thought that God has a great sense of humor. After all--he made me, didn't he. I'm pretty sure that I at times, amuse him. I like the fact that I amuse him, and I also like the fact that I am amazed by his timing and his orchestration of our lives. My life anyway. Always my life. For I gave it to him when I was 6 years old. Do what you want with me, I said. And he did and he does--every day.
On one such day, in particular, I had a garage sale. Hold on, bare with me here. This really is a relevant story. I promise. You see, I needed to get rid of some junk. My home didn't have a basement and we were a family of 5 living in 2000 square feet. So every few years I needed to purge. We collected way too much in the way of treasures and goodies. I can admit it now-I am a collector. I had extra kitchen appliances, china and dishes left over from an old antique business, various toys and sports equipment, and the usual garage junk. I probably had at least 5 years worth of extra stuff to get rid of.
What was different about that day was who came to my garage sale. At some point during the morning, I noticed a little family looking through my stuff. Small appliances seemed to be their thing. And I was curious--why did they need so many? Not one to be shy about asking questions (I'm the curious type) I asked them--why all the appliances? They explained that they were looking for their church kitchen. After talking for a bit I learned that they were the new pastors of a small Covenant church just a couple of miles from my home and they needed some supplies. Being that it was a small church with limited funds, they were hitting up the local yard sales. After they were finished collecting up all their new finds, I bagged them up--we are Christians I said, and you aren't paying for a thing--we are donating this to your church.
Funny how God works. They stayed for a long time, chatting, laughing, their kids playing with our dogs--it seems that we were in the process of making new friends. Funny how God works. They asked if they could come back that evening, just for a visit over some coffee. Of course, I said, we'd love to have you! And that night marked the beginning of a Saturday night prayer time for this pastor and his wife and us. We became friends and although we did not attend their church (not right then anyway) we prayed for them and their little church every Saturday night for the next year and a half. Towards the end of that time, my husband and I felt that we were to leave our present church and start going to the little Covenant church that they were pastoring. We stayed with them until we moved to the midwest. Funny how God works.
Fast forward almost 15 years--all of our children are now grown and married, our friends moved up north to pastor another church, and we moved to the mid-west. And only because of Facebook have we been able to keep up with each other's lives, pray for one another, and share pictures, etc. I disagree with those who bash technology--I love it.
I look back now over the last 20 plus years and I can see the threads of God's timing throughout my life. People, places, circumstances--all planned. I had a garage sale, I met lifelong friends. I met lifelong friends, I started going to a Covenant church. I started going to a Covenant church, where I have met many more lifelong friends. Funny how God works. Even at garage sales.
I've decided that rather than collect things, I want to collect people. Wherever God sends me, however, he uses me, I'll be ready. Whether I'm having a garage sale or going to one--I'll be ready. Because I never know whom I'll meet. I never know how God will use me. I never know who will be my next lifelong friend.
I see God in the little everyday things. Even garage sales. I see him working, and moving, and ministering to me and others everywhere I go. So I'll be ready, no matter where I am, I'll be ready. To be used by him, and for him.
On one such day, in particular, I had a garage sale. Hold on, bare with me here. This really is a relevant story. I promise. You see, I needed to get rid of some junk. My home didn't have a basement and we were a family of 5 living in 2000 square feet. So every few years I needed to purge. We collected way too much in the way of treasures and goodies. I can admit it now-I am a collector. I had extra kitchen appliances, china and dishes left over from an old antique business, various toys and sports equipment, and the usual garage junk. I probably had at least 5 years worth of extra stuff to get rid of.
What was different about that day was who came to my garage sale. At some point during the morning, I noticed a little family looking through my stuff. Small appliances seemed to be their thing. And I was curious--why did they need so many? Not one to be shy about asking questions (I'm the curious type) I asked them--why all the appliances? They explained that they were looking for their church kitchen. After talking for a bit I learned that they were the new pastors of a small Covenant church just a couple of miles from my home and they needed some supplies. Being that it was a small church with limited funds, they were hitting up the local yard sales. After they were finished collecting up all their new finds, I bagged them up--we are Christians I said, and you aren't paying for a thing--we are donating this to your church.
Funny how God works. They stayed for a long time, chatting, laughing, their kids playing with our dogs--it seems that we were in the process of making new friends. Funny how God works. They asked if they could come back that evening, just for a visit over some coffee. Of course, I said, we'd love to have you! And that night marked the beginning of a Saturday night prayer time for this pastor and his wife and us. We became friends and although we did not attend their church (not right then anyway) we prayed for them and their little church every Saturday night for the next year and a half. Towards the end of that time, my husband and I felt that we were to leave our present church and start going to the little Covenant church that they were pastoring. We stayed with them until we moved to the midwest. Funny how God works.
Fast forward almost 15 years--all of our children are now grown and married, our friends moved up north to pastor another church, and we moved to the mid-west. And only because of Facebook have we been able to keep up with each other's lives, pray for one another, and share pictures, etc. I disagree with those who bash technology--I love it.
I look back now over the last 20 plus years and I can see the threads of God's timing throughout my life. People, places, circumstances--all planned. I had a garage sale, I met lifelong friends. I met lifelong friends, I started going to a Covenant church. I started going to a Covenant church, where I have met many more lifelong friends. Funny how God works. Even at garage sales.
I've decided that rather than collect things, I want to collect people. Wherever God sends me, however, he uses me, I'll be ready. Whether I'm having a garage sale or going to one--I'll be ready. Because I never know whom I'll meet. I never know how God will use me. I never know who will be my next lifelong friend.
I see God in the little everyday things. Even garage sales. I see him working, and moving, and ministering to me and others everywhere I go. So I'll be ready, no matter where I am, I'll be ready. To be used by him, and for him.
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