What a strange year this has been. Everything was seemingly normal until 6 months ago when wham, everything changed. Our lives as we knew them were turned upside down. Sometimes I like that. I like when things change and there's an air of expectancy, you just know that something fun is about to happen. That wasn't the case this time.
No, we had gone and done exactly what I never wanted to do. I had plugged in and made friends in the new little town we had moved to 5 years ago. How dumb was that? We knew we weren't staying long. As I've said before, I thought maybe 2 or 3 years, tops. And then we'd move back to where we'd be closer to our kids and grandkids. However, those 2 or 3 years turned into 5 years and my heart (at least a piece of it) now belonged to them. Them being the friends and neighbors we made while living there. You'd think I'd learn, but no. I like people, and I like to make friends, and I really like to explore my surroundings, and then I fall in love with all the above.
Why do I do that? I know it's only going to hurt when I leave. I guess it's just the way God made me. I'm a plugger inner. Who knew? So, for 5 years I either spent Christmas in our new little town or we'd go to one of our kid's houses. Either way, it never felt normal. To me, it felt strange and temporary, almost as if we were all staying at a hotel. And while that may sound like fun, it's not. Not at Christmas. I need those warm fuzzy feelings of hearth and home. I need the smell of cookies and firewood, trees, and bread to make it feel like Christmas.
One of our Christmases we did manage to all end up at our house, 14 of us. It was so much fun for me that I almost forgot that we all lived in different towns and cities and states. Almost. After they all went home I cried. I missed my old house, my old life, and my kids.
This past August we moved back to Ohio, close to 2 of our kids and only 6 hours away from another. That might sound like a long way away, but after a 13-hour drive to visit them, well, this seems like a cake walk. I am over the moon with happiness to be so close to my kids. I love it. I love everything about it. The babysitting, the visiting, the lunches and dinners, the holidays. It's wonderful. Almost.
What I didn't realize is that this Christmas I would be desperately missing my friends and neighbors. I thought (I hoped) it would be an easy transition. After all, isn't this what I wanted? Didn't I want to live close to my children and grandchildren? And yet, even though the answer to that question is a resounding YES, I still miss and long for my friends. What a strange year this has turned out to be.
One might think that the moral of this story would be to avoid friendships altogether--if you live a nomadic life such as mine that is. But that just isn't my personality or character. I happen to make friends wherever I go, whether it's on vacation or a business trip or a move across the country. I am the type to plug in, make friends, hunker down, and nest. That's what I do, I nest. And I'm OK with that. For I have found that over these many years of bouncing around, and all these years of collecting friends, and all these years of meeting the most incredible people, well, I wouldn't change a thing. They have influenced my life in ways they'll never know. I wouldn't be who I am today without them--they have been such a huge part of who I have become.
So, this Christmas I am asking that you allow me to be a little sad. I'm OK. I just miss my friends. It isn't that I don't love my family or that I didn't want to move back to Ohio. It's just a very simple fact of life--when you make friends and move away from them, something deep down inside is missing. I'll hold on to my memories though and hope and pray that they'll come visit me. And I them. For I deeply love them and can't imagine a life without them.
Merry Christmas everyone. Hold tight to your friends and family this year. For you never know where you'll be next year. You just never know.
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
Friday, December 18, 2015
Making Adjustments
I'm thinking that I just might be one of these types of people who learn a little differently or a little more slowly than most. I tend to be a slow processor or a visual learner. Even when God drops something profound into my heart, it takes me a while to assimilate and make it a real part of my learning experience. And then, eventually, I grasp it fully and move on.
It's happening like that now. Slowly and surely adjustments are being made to my life. I'll be honest with you though, sometimes those adjustments hurt. I really don't like them much. However, afterward? Well, afterward I find that in looking back, I wouldn't have it any other way. Those adjustments save me in so many ways. As I was sitting in Bible study the other morning surrounded by friends old and new, God began to speak to me, in his soft, clear, strong voice--He talked while I listened. I really didn't hear much of what was said for the rest of the morning by the other ladies--for I was stuck. Stuck on what He was showing me. We had just read the verse in the Bible about Him being the vine and we are the branches--and then my brain took off. That's kind of how God works with me. He's very patient, kind and loving, He never pushes me, He just waits for me to keep up and learn. I appreciate that.
I think the best way to describe this exercise is to explain it this way. I have a new puppy. She is 6 months old and I've named her Coco Chanel #4. She is a bi-black Shetland Sheepdog. I could tell you the whole long boring story behind her naming but I'll make it short. She's my 4th sheltie and I wanted a Chanel handbag for my 60th birthday--thus the dog and her name. So, as I do with all my new puppies I signed us up for puppy training classes. Puppy 101. It consists mainly of simple commands and socializing said puppy. She's learned to sit, down, stand and come--with heal and stay in the near future--Puppy 102 when she graduates. I'm not kidding. And yes, there will be a 3 and a 4, as I continue to train her for future agility and obedience courses and shows. We're going all the way with this puppy, she's fast and she's smart, and for the most part pretty compliant.
And while it might sound like I am talking about puppy training here, I'm not. Not really. I'm actually talking about the way God trains me. I've been in classes with Him my entire life. From the minute I accepted Him into my heart I've been in training. I've learned to sit, come, down, heel, stand, and just about any other command that He might throw my way. Yes, I've been obedient for the most part--as far as I know. However, along the way, in classes 1-10 maybe not so much. I'm thinking I probably pulled on the lead, lagged behind, raced forward, downed when I should have sat, etc. I think you get the point. And yet, He never once hit me, kicked me, yelled at me or got rid of me. He was patient, kind, understanding, gentle and loved me unconditionally. Yes, once in awhile He jerked up on my choke chain, He might have even given me a stern NO, or two, but never, ever, out of hatred. No, it was always out of love.
And that's kind of how I am with my new puppy. First off, she has managed to worm her way into my heart. And secondly, I am training her out of love. I want her to be obedient, as much for her benefit as mine.
So, back to the branches thing. What God showed me that morning was the importance of me always remembering that He and He alone is the vine. It's when I take that role upon myself that I find I get into trouble. I'm the branch. I need to remember that. It's a very simple analogy. However, one I believe that most of us humans complicate. And I think that that morning God was gently reminding me of my place. At His side, not pulling or lagging. Just right beside Him, my eyes looking up to His face, waiting for my next command.
I watch my little puppy do this at 6 months old. She sits there next to me, looking, waiting, willing, trusting. I wonder--can I do that with my God? That was my real lesson that morning. One of teaching. And no, you're never too old to learn, I am proof of that.
It's happening like that now. Slowly and surely adjustments are being made to my life. I'll be honest with you though, sometimes those adjustments hurt. I really don't like them much. However, afterward? Well, afterward I find that in looking back, I wouldn't have it any other way. Those adjustments save me in so many ways. As I was sitting in Bible study the other morning surrounded by friends old and new, God began to speak to me, in his soft, clear, strong voice--He talked while I listened. I really didn't hear much of what was said for the rest of the morning by the other ladies--for I was stuck. Stuck on what He was showing me. We had just read the verse in the Bible about Him being the vine and we are the branches--and then my brain took off. That's kind of how God works with me. He's very patient, kind and loving, He never pushes me, He just waits for me to keep up and learn. I appreciate that.
I think the best way to describe this exercise is to explain it this way. I have a new puppy. She is 6 months old and I've named her Coco Chanel #4. She is a bi-black Shetland Sheepdog. I could tell you the whole long boring story behind her naming but I'll make it short. She's my 4th sheltie and I wanted a Chanel handbag for my 60th birthday--thus the dog and her name. So, as I do with all my new puppies I signed us up for puppy training classes. Puppy 101. It consists mainly of simple commands and socializing said puppy. She's learned to sit, down, stand and come--with heal and stay in the near future--Puppy 102 when she graduates. I'm not kidding. And yes, there will be a 3 and a 4, as I continue to train her for future agility and obedience courses and shows. We're going all the way with this puppy, she's fast and she's smart, and for the most part pretty compliant.
And while it might sound like I am talking about puppy training here, I'm not. Not really. I'm actually talking about the way God trains me. I've been in classes with Him my entire life. From the minute I accepted Him into my heart I've been in training. I've learned to sit, come, down, heel, stand, and just about any other command that He might throw my way. Yes, I've been obedient for the most part--as far as I know. However, along the way, in classes 1-10 maybe not so much. I'm thinking I probably pulled on the lead, lagged behind, raced forward, downed when I should have sat, etc. I think you get the point. And yet, He never once hit me, kicked me, yelled at me or got rid of me. He was patient, kind, understanding, gentle and loved me unconditionally. Yes, once in awhile He jerked up on my choke chain, He might have even given me a stern NO, or two, but never, ever, out of hatred. No, it was always out of love.
And that's kind of how I am with my new puppy. First off, she has managed to worm her way into my heart. And secondly, I am training her out of love. I want her to be obedient, as much for her benefit as mine.
So, back to the branches thing. What God showed me that morning was the importance of me always remembering that He and He alone is the vine. It's when I take that role upon myself that I find I get into trouble. I'm the branch. I need to remember that. It's a very simple analogy. However, one I believe that most of us humans complicate. And I think that that morning God was gently reminding me of my place. At His side, not pulling or lagging. Just right beside Him, my eyes looking up to His face, waiting for my next command.
I watch my little puppy do this at 6 months old. She sits there next to me, looking, waiting, willing, trusting. I wonder--can I do that with my God? That was my real lesson that morning. One of teaching. And no, you're never too old to learn, I am proof of that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)