This Past Year

I'm not going to lie.  It's been a rough year for me.  Too many changes, some good, some not so good.
It all began a year ago.  A cash offer on our home near Chicago.  Did we want to move?  Yes.  And no.  We missed our children and grandchildren, however, we had plugged in and made awesome friends and hated to leave them.  After much praying though, the decision was made.  We took the offer, sold half of our belongings and headed back to whence we came.  Ohio or bust.

Everything changed.  We downsized, moved out into the country (for me anyway) and began a new (and much different) chapter in our lives.

June--sold our home, sold our stuff, bought a new home, packed our junk.

July--pretended like we were on vacation, said goodbye to friends and neighbors, lived in a hotel for a couple of weeks.  Friends from Belgium came and stayed at the hotel with us--made it so much more bearable.  Love that family!

August--Moved into a new house, realized it was a tiny house, that it was out in the boonies, and way too quiet.  Unpacked, ran out of space, had granite installed throughout, painted interior, met new neighbors.  Bought a new puppy--secretly hoping it would cheer us up, including our existing dog.  It didn't--cheer us up that is.

September--I went back to my old Bible study group--45 minutes away.  Played with the new puppy.  Said goodbye to the old dog, who died of cancer.  Grieved for her and am still dealing with losing her.  Sadness overwhelmed me.
Visited daughter in DC.  Played with the new puppy and babysat local grandkids.  Joined New Clevelanders, getting very involved in a club.  Trying to stay positive.

October--enjoyed the beautiful fall colors of NE Ohio, they are breathtaking.  A friend from Calif visited.  Began puppy obedience training.  Getting on with life.  Missing Chicago friends.

November--went to Chicago for a week, visited old friends, shopped, ate, enjoyed life.  Thanksgiving with my whole family loved it.

December--shopped, ate, enjoyed family.  It's why we moved back.  Busy with the club.  New house feels especially cramped.  Trying hard to get used to a tiny house--that's what I've taken to calling it, even though it really isn't as small as I make it out to be.

January--after Christmas blues setting in, trying hard to stay really busy.  Still, haven't found the right church.  Miss my old church, my old friends, my old dog, my old house, my river.  Feeling sad.

February--lonely, sad, bored.  Hard to feel optimistic.  Trying though.

March--visited our daughter in DC, had lots of fun.  Husband went to Congo, lonely 2 weeks, I hate it when he goes.  All alone, sad.  Trying to keep very busy.

April--living life, staying busy with dog training, club activities, family.  Sister-in-law visited from Ca.

May--coming to terms with father's terminal illness, went to Ca. said goodbye to him for the last time, hardest trip ever.  Beginning to cope with grief.

June--summer is here, along with stupid ugly cicadas.  I hate them--their sound, their buzzing around, their size, everything about those bugs--I hate.  They are everywhere.
Bible study and clubs are taking a summer break--I am now on the board, with lots of work to do--as our activities begin again in a couple of months.  Staying busy, planning a Sept vacation, and dealing with the fact that my phone could ring at any minute telling me that my father has died.  Lots of sleepless nights.  Lots of tears.

July--thinking a lot about death and dying.  Praying for my mom, as my father just passed away.  Trying to look forward to the future.  Having a hard time, but getting through it.  Praying hard.

August--I'll be learning to cope.  Learning to lean on God.  Learning...in all ways.

It's been one year.  Full of sadness, and full of joy.  Missing old friends, making new ones.  Loving my family, especially my 7 grandchildren.  Yes, 7!  All in all, I'm glad we moved back to Ohio.  I've discovered that although I don't like change, I need it.  It's how I keep on my toes, keep relevant, keep in touch with God and all that He has for me to do.

I'm looking forward to the next year.  We have a big Europe trip planned, then the holidays hit, lots of club activities, and family fun.  I'll keep busy, that's for sure.  Also, I've learned that time does heal all wounds.  I wouldn't change a thing in my life, even though at times I have wanted to.  I've discovered that if I just let God lead me and if I follow Him, I'll be OK.  So, that's what I'm going to do.  Follow Him through every aspect of my life--the good and the bad, it's in His hands.

Saying goodbye is so hard, but saying hello isn't.  It's saying hello to a new and exciting chapter of life.  It's what I do.  Even through my tears.

Ashes to Ashes--The Legacy of a Man

On July 9th in the warm California afternoon sun, my father went home.  And by that, I mean he went to heaven, he passed into the arms of his creator, his savior, his maker, his king, his Jesus.  He was 85 years old, born in Oklahoma, moved to California as a child, met and married, raised a family and then died there. He is survived by his wife (my mom), 3 daughters, 6 grandchildren (with 3 grandchildren already in heaven) and a host of great-grandchildren.

In the Christian faith we believe that if one is "saved or born again" if they have accepted Christ as their Lord and Savior if they have confessed their sins and have asked Jesus Christ into their hearts--that when they die, they will go to heaven.  Regardless of your beliefs, this is the belief system that my family embraces.  And while I do not condemn yours (for that is not my place) I do adhere to mine.  I love my God with all my heart.  And I now pay tribute to the man who introduced me to my Lord.

When I was just 6 years old, and my father then 30--my family met Jesus for the first time.  My father's conversion changed the course of my family forever.  Because of his change, our lives were changed.  There was a ripple effect--so to speak.  He accepted Christ, then my mom, then his children and so on.  Some of his siblings and their children soon followed.  I believe that because of the drastic and dynamic change that came over my father--others came to believe also.  If he could change that much--then God must be real.  I guess back in the day, my dad was a real rabble rouser.

My dad was never a big talker.  Until it came time to tell a great story from the past, some trouble that either he and his brothers got into and or funny story about his time in the military.  Some were a little hard to believe--that's my dad?  Boy, had he changed.  And that change is what has affected my life the most.  I wonder if he ever realized how much influence he had on me and mine?  His 30 years of trouble making compared to his 55 years of serving God.  I wonder?

As I reflect back on the dad I knew--he was quiet, he was extremely intelligent (a genius really) he was a very deep thinker, and he loved God and he loved my mom.  He would have done anything for anyone, was very tender-hearted, and in the end, was more worried about the care of my mother over anyone or anything else.

I sat thinking this morning about what my dad had instilled in me as a child--values, life lessons, etc. when it occurred to me that he left me with the greatest gift of all.  The best gift in all the world.  He left me with the burning desire for my own children and grandchildren to love and serve God.  The absolute most important thing in life to me is that my family love God.  I honestly don't care about the other "stuff"--the successes in life, the money, homes, education, what have you.  I only care about their relationship with Christ.

I think in saying that, I am paying tribute to my father.  He, along with my mom, planted that seed in us as children.  I once remember them saying--no matter what we do, even if we walk away from God, never, ever leave Him.  Always follow God with all your hearts, souls and minds.  Don't look at us, keep your eyes on Jesus.  We will fail you, but God never will.  And I always have and I always will.  And I'm so thankful that they always have too.

Hope is something that Christians have.  Hope that one day we will be reunited with those that have passed on into the next phase of "life".  Hope that we will all see each other again one day soon.  As my father entered into heaven he was greeted by so many loved ones.  His parents, some siblings, many other family members and 3 of his own grandchildren.  I can only imagine how excited he was to be able to shake off his tired old body and receive his new heavenly body, and to run and hug those that he loved so dearly--what a reunion!

So today, I thank God for healing my dad.  For receiving him into heaven, to sit with him for all of eternity.  Today, I thank my dad for showing me who God really is and for raising me in a Christian home.  Today, I have hope.  Today, I celebrate my dad's life.  What a legacy!

My prayer is that I am the daughter that you always wanted me to be.  I'm trying Dad, and I will see you someday soon.  I promise.