I didn't want to write this blog. In fact, I haven't wanted to write anything at all for a while now. However, our pastor said something this past weekend that made me rethink my feelings. He talked about things that God might be asking us to do and the reasons we might be putting them off. Some examples were--fear (rejection, what would others think) laziness (usually not part of how I work) and not wanting to offend others. For me, I really believe it's the last one that left me wondering if I am running from what God has laid on my heart and what He has asked me to do. Most times I love writing. It's become a part of my nature, my well-being, my way of expression and a huge form of therapy for me.
Something had changed though. I finally asked myself (due in part to last week's sermon) --does God want it changed back? Back to where I write again, back to sharing my thoughts and feelings--no matter who thinks what? Is He calling me to speak out? Or, is this just me talking? I waited a few days, I prayed, and then I finally got out my laptop and began to write my heart. If this is of God--then great. If not--if it's just plain old me, disregard it. However, I do ask that you at least pray about what I am saying. Here goes...
I am finding that as each day passes, I am becoming more angry, more sad, and more despondent. I am seeing things in others that I never ever thought I'd see. I'm watching people--so-called Christian people, tear each other apart. I am watching a horror show. I feel as though I am living in an episode of the Twilight Zone. It has become a nightmare that I can't seem to wake from.
There seems to be a war going on in my country--a civil war. No, an uncivil war. Us vs them. North vs south. Family vs family. Republican Christian vs Democrat Christian. There is an "our way or the highway" mentality. And it's getting embarrassingly uncomfortable. I am having a very hard time trying to explain to my non-Christian friends that no--not every Christian is as hard-hearted, mean, uncivil, selfish, racist, etc, as they think they are. Trying to convince them otherwise though, is exhausting. And I'm tired.
You know, I really have tried to remain neutral all these years. I am a moderate, I was an independent. A true critical thinker. I watched, waited, prayed, and then after much thought and consideration--I voted or spoke my heart. What, may I ask is wrong with that approach?
It wasn't hard for me. I happen to have this strange ability to see things from both sides--to put myself in the place of others. It isn't that I don't have an opinion (ha! just ask anyone) I do! It's just that I am open to hearing yours too. I value yours and I had hoped that you valued mine.
All that has changed since this past election. Hatred is now the new norm. Who can yell the loudest, who can be the wittiest, and who can cut people so very low with their words. And it's breaking my heart.
My conservative friends and family have always thought me much too liberal, my liberal friends have always thought--well, wait a minute now...they've never really said. I guess if I think long and hard about it, the only ones to criticize me are the conservative "Christian" people in my life. Rather than trying to see things through my eyes--they've just condemned me, or at least that's how I feel.
I've been told many things of late--that I'm not really a Christian, that I don't really love God, that I am not reading my Bible, and that I must not pray hard enough. And on and on. However, I know who I am. And I know what I believe. When I read in my Bible the words of Jesus Christ, I read about a different Christianity--it is so very different than what is being portrayed nowadays.
So very, very different.
The sad thing is--if I weren't a Christian, if I really did not know much about God, Jesus, the church, etc., would I even want to? That's the real question in my mind. If I weren't a believer--just what about Christianity today would draw me to Christ? Honestly? Absolutely nothing. Why? Because what I am hearing from about 75% of the Christians being portrayed in the media (no, not fake news, I'm talking social media) is pure selfishness, hatred, bigotry, meanness, and hardheartedness. Truly, it is. Just ask any non-believer. Oh, and I was also told that I shouldn't be hanging out with those types of people--I should only hang with Christians. What??? I wonder if they said that to Jesus too? Oh wait, yep, they did! And what did He say? Look it up, you might be surprised. For, in only hanging out with believers, just how then, and to whom, am I supposed to share my faith and hope and trust in God? Whom am I supposed to be witnessing to? Wow, this stuff just boggles my brain.
It's hard saying these things. It's hard pointing the finger at my own people! But, it's the truth. We are not sharing our faith, spreading the gospel or coming alongside the broken-hearted. We are basically kicking them in the teeth and saying--unless you do these things, act this way, talk like me, look like me--you aren't one of us. Really? Is that what Jesus said to people? I don't think so.
So, my challenge to you is this. Get out your Bible. Look at those red-lettered words of Jesus. Read them. And then ask yourself this one question. Am I being like Him? And, if your answer is no--ask Him to forgive you and go and sin no more. Because that's what all this mean-spirited attitude is all about. It is sin--plain and simple.
You don't want to share your stuff? Sin.
You don't want to pay your taxes? Sin.
You don't want to feed the hungry? Sin.
You are against abortion but don't want to pay for health care, education, food, etc for these babies after they are born? Sin.
You want to build a wall? Really? Sin.
You hate gay people? Sin.
Black people? Any people? Sin.
Shall I go on? Because this is what I did not want to write about. This is what has been on my heart. If you are a Christian--stop it. Start praying, ask for forgiveness and read your Bible!!! Read those beautiful words of Christ. Those Red Letter Words. He is whom we are supposed to emulate. He is our very reason for living. Not our things, not our possessions, not our homes and cars, and stuff, stuff, stuff. He says--sell it all. Feed the poor. Take care of those who weep. Pray with and for the broken-hearted. If they ask for your coat--give it to them. If they ask you to walk a mile with them--walk 2 miles! Does this not tell you something?
So, I guess this isn't really about politics at all, is it? It is about the condition of our hearts. And if I have offended you, I am truly sorry. However, in saying that, I will not recant what I have written. Why? Because I have prayed about this long and hard. If you are pro-life--then be pro all life. If you hate others (read here--anyone not like you) ask God to help you love them as Jesus does.
When I tell you that I am a Christian, I am telling you that I believe in and follow the words, actions, and teachings of Jesus Christ. That my life goal is--to walk in integrity, love, kindness, forgiveness, and to have a moral character--one that says--she would never do that, or she always does this. I want my yes to be yes, and my no to be no. Yes to God, and no to sin. I want to do what I say I believe in. Not just talk about it but walk it. And, if I ever fail you--call me on it. Don't let me get away with being un-Christlike. Hold me fast to my convictions. Make me be kind and loving. Please.
Yes, this is long-winded. However, it was long overdue. And it took some time for me to listen, and then step out in faith to write all of this. It's hard for me--this uncivil war. Is it hard for you too?
Tear down those walls, build bridges. Pray for those around you. Feed them, give them shelter, clothing, love, forgiveness, and acceptance. Show someone kindness today. Hug somebody. Be like Jesus! Be civil in an uncivil world.
