I am waxing nostalgic again this morning. I'm thinking of all the things I miss. As I have entered into my 6th decade, it has hit me a little hard. Only 2 or 3 more to go, you know what I mean? Things to ponder, things to regret, things to long for. It's what's on my mind this morning.
You see, I miss skipping. I miss the smell of sidewalks in the rain. I miss the crunching of small gravel and leaves underneath my feet. I miss hopscotch. I miss my teacher reading to me in school with my head laying on my desk--as I was transported to Africa, playing with lions. I miss tetherball. And monkey bars. I even miss nap time. I never thought I'd say that. I miss my first crush--3rd grade, Danny. I miss jumping over sidewalk cracks, hide and seek in the bushes, and playing outside after dark on a hot summer night.
I miss pizza joints, football games, and driving by boys houses. I miss riding my horse--wind blowing in my hair. I miss the smell of alfalfa hay and manure. I miss dances and parties, giggling and secrets. I miss my best friend, whom I protected fiercely, and shared all my deepest truths.
I miss summers with cousins--chasing tree frogs and polliwogs. I miss picking berries with my grandmother and making cobbler. I miss ice cream sandwiches and public swimming pools. I miss talking on the phone until the wee hours of the morning with my boyfriend of the moment.
I miss being a newlywed. Snuggling and watching movies in the dark. Being so poor, that date night was a burger and fries. I miss being able to have a milkshake without gaining 10 pounds! I miss being pregnant. Feeling that first little flutter of life--mine felt like butterflies let loose inside. I miss rocking, singing, and late night feedings. Yes, all those firsts. I miss them all.
I even miss this--mom, mom, mom. All day, every day. Yep, I even miss that. Look at me Mom, watch me! He hit me, she looked at me, he spit at me. Yes, I miss all that too. I miss folding their clothes, picking up their shoes, and breaking up their many arguments.
Life was happening in my home, and I loved it. It's over too quickly. Life.
My children are all adults now. They have children of their own. And, I'm sure that they also have many things that they either miss now or will miss in the years to come. It seems that when we are living in the moment we are too busy and caught up in the here and now to see that these moments in time are the things we'll miss later. Little things--memories.
It's just the two of us now, and our furry little dog. I look back on my memories, I try hard to make new ones, I hold on to each day and I am so very thankful. Not all were good, but most were wonderful. Not all were painful, as most produced growth.
I have found that although I had to move around a lot, it enabled me to make many friends. And even though I've lost touch with some, they made a huge impact on my life. I miss them. As it turns out--friends are extremely important to me. Their value in my life was and is priceless.
I also miss my old houses. Each one held different memories. I miss my sunroom, and swimming pool, my river, and almond trees. I miss my single story and two story homes. I miss the orchards and their beautiful blossoms. And I miss hearing the kids playing outside. I miss wallpaper, and wicker furniture--each house, yard and neighborhood all held special memories of their very own. That ability to remember is like a photo book to me. Perhaps that's why I am so drawn to my camera. I have a need to capture everything.
I have a different perspective on life now. That might come with having time to ponder without noise, without the outside barging in. I liked that though. I liked the outside world pushing through the walls of my inside world. I liked the noise, the laughter, the arguing, the messes, the mom, mom, mom--I miss those things. I'll miss these things too. This time, this moment with--just the two of us.
Funny thing about memories, as soon as I miss them, new ones pop up. I guess that's a good thing--there is always something to miss. As each day comes to a close--a new memory is formed. As each day begins--new opportunities arise.
