It was quick. A very fast, whirlwind extended visit. I thought we'd have more time. I had no idea that it would abruptly come to an end. Here one day, gone the next.
When my mom moved in with us at the beginning of October, I thought it would be forever. In the sense that she'd live with us as long as she could. Until that unfortunate time where we would have to place her in some type of care facility.
She was doing great. Off the oxygen, knee replaced, plugging into different groups and activities. Running around with me--lunch, shop, friends, repeat. We were having fun. Or so I thought. We were working out the kinks of our living arrangement. She had moved into the master bedroom and we had moved upstairs. We walked her dog, I did her laundry, cleaned her room and cooked her meals and also generally helped with anything she needed.
And although it was a long winter--spring was coming. I could not wait for her to see our neck of the woods in full color. Cleveland goes nuts in the spring. I'm not exaggerating. A lot of the nurseries even have traffic control for a while. We all clammer to buy up all the flowers that we can fit into the backs of our SUV's and then plant, plant, plant until our yards are bursting with color. Even the trees in my little neighborhood flower. It's green and lush, and I wanted her to see it.
We only had a very few weeks left to wait for spring. However, it wasn't to be. After 6 months of winter, my mom flew the coup. I went out with a friend one evening, only to find out that she'd been talking about being homesick. A week later she was gone. It happened so quickly that I didn't even have time to process the whole thing. I didn't know that she was so unhappy, and longing for "home". I felt horrible. It was just too cold for her and her dog. It wasn't California, it wasn't home.
Had I known that my mom had intentions of leaving after just a mere 6 months I would have done things so differently. So very differently! There was so much left to show her and do with her. I would have packed in so many more excursions and day trips. I wanted her to eat at my favorite outdoor patio restaurants, I wanted her to meet more of my friends and neighbors. I did not know she'd be gone in 6 months.
I also had high hopes of walking her through her first year of grief after losing my father. I wanted to sit with her and let her reminisce. I wanted to be that shoulder to cry on. I thought over time she'd be happy again. After all--she had me!
So many things to show her, places to take her, and now she's gone. She'll never see the other 2 seasons--the real seasons of Cleveland. Some say the best seasons. And that makes me sad. She left 2 weeks ago, and I'm still reeling from the quickness of the move. Back to California, back to her old neighborhood, back to her old life, that she once told me was so lonely and boring. I don't understand what just happened. I don't understand why she left. However, I respect her decision and I'll always be here to love and support her through prayer, and a listening ear. It's all I can do--just be here for her.
Yes, it was a quick 6 months. A very short time. Not enough time. And now I'm sad. In a very weird sense, it was like a death for me--first my dad, and then my mom. They left in different ways. But, they both left. And I'm still processing. That's why I write. It's my way.
I'm praying for my mom. That she finds new friends, happiness and a new outlook on life. I'm praying that God comforts her in her grief. And that she finds what she is looking for.
Home. Security. Love. Peace. Those are the things she needs from God. Just His presence in her life--that is what she needs the most. I could not fill that void. Not that I'd want to, but I did want to help her in some small way.
I can't even begin to imagine what widowhood looks or feels like. It breaks my heart to know that she misses my dad so much. I think in some strange way, she's looking for him--back home. He's not there though, and she will find that out soon enough. At least she has my sister and me. She can lean on us during this time of grief. We will always be here for her.
I'll fly out to visit her soon. I miss her already. I got used to her being here every day. We became buddies. Shopping and lunching--just fun silly stuff. And now she's gone. And I am sad. I guess I'm sad that I couldn't do more. I couldn't make her happy. I wasn't "home" for her.
My husband tells me to look on the bright side. It was a very long extended visit. We never thought she'd ever see the Midwest, and she did! We never thought she'd meet our other grandchildren, and she did! We never thought she'd see our home, meet our friends, go to our church, and just be a part of our lives. But, she did. And for that, I am very thankful. I got her for 6 whole months. I will always be grateful for our time together, getting to know each other, getting those last moments of life together that is so precious. So, today I say--thank you God for those quick 6 months.
My heart is greatful.
