Betwixt and Between

I was at a horse show once and heard the name of a horse being called--Betwixt and Between, and that's kind of how I feel right now. Or Bittersweet—that might be another name for what I am going through emotionally, although I don't believe I've heard that particular name for a horse before.

As I write this, I am praying — for this is a very hard blog to write. How do I explain how I feel about an issue when I'm not sure of my feelings, for they are running at full speed and I am not in control of them, not even a little?

So this is what is going on in our lives right now—it happened just a few weeks ago—while my husband and I were out for a stroll on the Riverwalk. We were talking about what it would be like if we moved back to Cleveland after he retired — the good, the bad, etc. As we were talking/walking along, our neighbor/realtor/friend came walking by, and we stopped to chit-chat. Out of the clear blue, he said to her--What do you think we could get for our house if we put it on the market?

When he said that, I began praying because I was not ready emotionally to even go there! Why, I wondered, was he saying these things to her?  And then God dropped a number into my heart. When I quoted them the price, they both chuckled and said we would never get that price. I will wait to sell my house until I can get that price. I can be just as stubborn as the best of them--hard to believe, I know. Besides, we weren't even ready to sell right now anyway! They both laughed then and said I would be waiting a long time to sell and get my price.

However, she said she had someone in mind who she had heard was looking for a house like ours on the river, close to downtown. She said she would call their realtor and see if they were interested. And I said to her--as long as they're willing to pay us our price, they can look at it. But it was not up for negotiation. 

Well, they came, looked at the house, and made us an all-cash offer.  So, after some ups and downs and all arounds, we accepted their offer. Our house is now in escrow. The home inspection was a couple of weeks ago. It closes at the end of July. What???

I needed some time before we could even begin to look at future homes. And since we were in California for 8 days, then on to Cleveland for a huge bike-riding event for my husband and oldest son in mid-June for a few days, it gave me time to assimilate all that was transpiring in my life. So the day after their bike ride, we met with a local realtor in the Cleveland area, looked at homes for one afternoon, and found a couple we really liked. That quickly! In one afternoon! What???

That, my friends, is how God works!  I have learned that He is always at work around me. And it looks as though our time here in Naperville will be coming to a close. We now have to adjust our lives to fit in with what God has planned for us. And that is why I am "in between" feelings. Our friends here have become like family, and we truly love them. 

I don't want to leave, I don't want to move away from the best little town I've ever lived in. And we will miss being so close to Chicago. And besides all that, we have made some of the absolute best lifelong friends here in Chicagoland. We never saw that coming!  

However, we are so excited to be moving back towards our family. But at the very same time, we are so going to miss our awesome friends here in Naperville. 

So, we will need a lot of prayers! Our hearts are breaking, while at the same time rejoicing. God has a plan. I don't have a clue what He is going to do with us or what lies ahead in ministry, new friends, new church, etc., but He knows. He already has our next little house picked out. He is getting our new church ready for us (pray for them, we aren't an easy couple to deal with), and He is already directing our steps and guiding our path. We are thankful. But we will miss everyone here in our sweet little town. 

I guess if there is one thing I would ask--that you please pray for me, as change like this is hard on me. I've never been allowed to put down roots. So, when I am pulled up out of my comfortable homey warm fuzzy spot—well, let's just say this—it's super hard. I have been crying a lot, missing everyone and everything, and I am hoping that I can get through this without a total meltdown. 

I find that I am not thinking of this move as the next chapter in my life, but rather as a brand-new book. I shall think of this book as perhaps one of the last I live through. Much to ponder, to wrap my brain around, to analyze, and then, in the end, to trust the God in whom I love and serve with my whole heart.