Betwixt and Between

I was at a horse show once and heard the name of a horse being called--Betwixt and Between and that's kind of how I feel right now.  Or Bittersweet—that might be another name for what I am going through emotionally, although I don't believe I've heard that particular name for a horse before.

As I write this, I am praying--for this is a very hard blog to write.  How do I explain how I feel about an issue when I'm not sure of my feelings, for they are running at full speed and I am not in control of them, not even a little.

So this is what is going on in our lives right now—it happened just a few weeks ago—while my husband and I were out for a stroll on the Riverwalk.  We were talking about what it would be like if we moved back to Cleveland after he retired--the good, the bad, etc.  As we were talking/walking along, our neighbor/realtor/friend came walking by and we stopped to chit chat.  Out of the clear blue, he said to her--what do you think we could get for our house if we put it on the market?

When he said that, I began praying because I was not ready emotionally to even go there!  Why I wondered was he saying these things to her?  And then God dropped a number into my heart.  When I said the price to them--they both chuckled and said that we would never get that price.  So I said that I will wait then to sell my house--until I could get that price. I can be just as stubborn as the best of them--hard to believe, I know.  Besides, we weren't even ready to sell right now anyway!  They both laughed then and said I would be waiting a long time to sell and get my price.

However, then she said that she did have someone in mind that she had heard was looking for a house like ours on the river, close to downtown. She said she would call their realtor and see if they were interested.  And I said to her--as long as they're willing to pay us our price they can look at it.  But it was not up for negotiation. 

Well, they came and looked at the house, and made us an offer, all-cash.  So, after some up and downs and all around, we accepted their offer.  Our house is now in escrow.  The home inspection was a couple of weeks ago.  It closes the end of July.  What???

I needed some time before we could even begin to look at future homes.  And as we were in California for 8 days, and then on to Cleveland for a huge bike ride event for my husband and oldest son in mid-June for a few days, it bought me time to assimilate all that was transpiring in my life.  So the day after their bike ride we met with a local realtor in the Cleveland area and we looked at homes for one afternoon and found a couple that we really liked. That quickly!  In one afternoon!  What???

That my friends is how God works!  I have learned that He is always at work around me. And it looks as though our time here in Naperville will be coming to a close.  We now have to adjust our lives to fit in with what God has planned for us.  And that is why I am “in between” feelings.  Our friends here have become like family, we truly love them so much. 

I don't want to leave, I don't want to move away from the best little town I've ever lived in.  And we will miss being so close to Chicago.  And besides all that, we have made some of the absolute best lifelong friends here in Chicagoland.  We never saw that coming!  

However, in saying all that, we are so excited to be moving back towards our family.  But at the very same time, we are so going to miss our awesome friends here in Naperville. 

So, we will need a lot of prayers!  Our hearts are breaking, while at the same time rejoicing. God has a plan.  I don't have a clue as to what He is going to do with us or what is ahead as far as ministry, new friends, new church, etc, but He knows.  He already has our next little house picked out, He is getting our new church ready for us (pray for them, we aren't an easy couple to deal with) and He is already directing our steps and guiding our path.  We are thankful.  But we will miss everyone here in our sweet little town. 

I guess if there is one thing I would ask--that you please pray for me, as change like this is hard on me.  I've never been allowed to put down roots.  So, when I am pulled up out of my comfortable homey warm fuzzy spot—well, let's just say this—it's super hard.  I have been crying a lot, missing everyone and everything and I am hoping that I can get through this without a total meltdown. 

I find that I am not thinking of this move as the next chapter in my life but rather a brand new book.  I shall think of this book as perhaps one of the last I live through.  Much to ponder, to wrap my brain around, to analyze and then, in the end, to trust the God in whom I love and serve with my whole heart.