When I Was Born

When I was born, I was born into a family of three. Soon after, my little sister was born. Now we were four. And then, when I was eight years old, I found out that I had an older half-sister. So we were now a family of four and a half. Kind of. However, that's a whole other story.

I had a Granny and Paw Paw and a Grandma and Grandpa. I was closest to my Grandma, we were thick as thieves, and she was pretty much my favorite person. I also had 9 aunts and uncles, then add in their spouses and viola! 18 of them. Add their children into the mix, and before too many years went by, I had 14 cousins on my mom's side and 17 cousins on my dad's side of the family. So yes, 31 first cousins--to play with, grow up with, hang out with and learn all about those close family ties that are very important to our development. 

Let's not forget about my parent's cousins--I actually thought they were also aunts and uncles in my early years, which added to my cousin count. I was in heaven--so many little cousins to play with. So many cousins to have fun sleepovers with, share secrets with, and, yes, even fight with. We were a brood to be reckoned with, that's for sure. Hurt one cousin, hurt them all. We were a fierce bunch. It's funny that one particular cousin has become more like a sister to me. I've nick-named her my soul sister cousin. We have become very close over the years. We have each other's backs. We pray for each other, listen to each other, and try hard to see each other across the miles as much as we can. Those family ties are just that important. I don't ignore those. They are even more crucial now than ever. Memories are what I will have to hold on to in the future. So, I will work my hardest to preserve them.

Since I was one of the oldest cousins, I observed our family's growth. Many babies, lots of little ones running about, and a couple of older cousins that got us into trouble--more than a few times. I believe my best memories are those that wrap around my extended family. They were incredible times, from playing in their backyards, playing in the sprinklers, and having sleepovers. I miss them. A lot. The older I get, the more precious those memories become. I want those times back; there are things I want to say to some of them. Especially to those I've lost.  

As I've mentioned before, I was closest to my paternal grandmother--we were 2 peas in a pod. I'm told I look like her, act like her, and have the same sense of humor. That makes me proud. I wish I could have told her how much I love her. I valued those summers staying at her house, picking blackberries and making cobblers. I loved staying up late, watching TV, and laughing. I also want to tell her that I saw her cheating at poker and never said a word. She was awesome!

I have others in my family that I was close to--for example, my aunts. One died of cancer,  another aunt from a plane crash, and another from a heart attack. Gone way too soon. Sometimes, I get very nostalgic when I think of things they've missed out on. I wish they were still here. I want them to see what I've seen. Their children and grandchildren...so much loss.

And then there is the horrific loss of 2 of my nephews at ages 17 and 24 and my niece at age 6. What do you say when you think of them? How does one heal from the loss? When I dwell on what they were unable to experience in life--it is too much. To lose family creates a deep sorrow. It is an emotion that should not be visited often. Instead, I believe we should dwell on the memories--the good ones, the funny ones, the stories of our family that bring about a smile. I like to let that smile rest a bit deep inside of me and then move on.

I wonder, what will my children's memories be? Of their grandparents, aunt, uncles, cousins? Will they be bittersweet, like mine?  How different will their perspective on life be?  Will they be shaped by their memories like I was? And, will they one day look back and wonder--what should I have said when I had the chance?

I am thankful for my family--for all of them, from young to old, from the past and the present; I absolutely love the memories--from when I was born.