Cicada Attack

One will never be able to say that I don't or can't laugh at myself.  Do I feel a little foolish?  Why yes, yes I do.  But, it happened, so I'll share it, and laugh if you must, but also remember that the fear is real, very real.

Northeast Ohio is under attack.  We have been invaded by the 17-year emergence of the ugliest bug you'd ever hope to see.  It's a great big, 2 inches or bigger, ugly, flying Cicada.  And I hate them.  And I fear them.  Yes, I have an irrational phobia of those ugly gross creatures.  In 17 years, I hope to either be dead or on an extended vacation until they go back to where they came from, which is probably hell, I'm not even kidding.  I can't even begin to explain to you how much I detest these horrible insects.

They invaded our neighborhood a couple of weeks ago.  Stupid bugs.  They are so loud that it sounds like a siren going off.  Ugg, I hate that noise!  They are everywhere.  In the trees, in the grass, flying through the air, darting in and out of every single place, everywhere you look.  It's absolutely horrific.

I've been asking my husband to walk our dog during their most active times, which is somewhere between the hours of 7:00 am to sundown when it cools off.  Thankfully he's been available and willing since he recognizes that my fear is real.  I'm not saying he understands it, he himself doesn't really have any true phobias.  Me on the other hand, well, let's just say I make up for the both of us.

Today, my husband had to have a wisdom tooth removed.  He took our pup out for her morning walk, I drove him to the oral surgeon's office and then back home.  I got him all settled in, pain meds were taken, nap ready, and then I cozied in for a time of reading and relaxation.  Everything was running like clockwork.  Until my dog needed to go potty.  Oh no.  Not potty.  Not outside where the Cicada devils are.  No, please, can't you just hold it?  Please?  Wake up husband, I need you!

Well, I put her collar and leash on and out we went.  The ugly bugs were doing their thing--flying, darting, making their stupid loud noise.  All the while, I am ducking, bobbing and weaving, trying my hardest to get away from them.   Hurry up puppy--do your thing!

I quickly ran inside, shut the door and whew!  I made it.  Kind of.  As I was standing at the kitchen sink, I heard something.  At my ear.  So I swiped at the sound but still felt strange.  Like something was there.  So, I walked into the half bath and looked into the mirror.  And low and behold, wouldn't you know it, one of those blankety, blank stupid Cicadas was on my back!

I'm so glad that my husband was sacked out in his chair, and that no one was visiting us because they would have gotten a show.  It's also a very good thing that my shirt had a snap front because that shirt unsnapped and was off of my body so fast--as I ran out of the bathroom screaming and dancing around while ripping that shirt off of me as fast as I could.  Once off and laying on the ground, I ran away from it, still shaken and practically (ok, not so practically) yelling and jumping up and down.  The dog was barking, my husband sat up and was wondering what in the heck was going on.  I couldn't go near the shirt and just keep jumping around yelling for him to get the bug.

He did, he's my hero.  As I locked myself in our bedroom, he killed that dumb bug and saved me!  In his medicated, drug induced state, he came to my rescue.  Thank you, Jesus!

I have now calmed down, my shirt is back on, the dog is sleeping, my husband has had a good nap and all is well with the world.  He's feeling better now and has assured me that he will walk our dog as long as those nasty bugs are out there terrorizing the neighborhood.  Supposedly they'll be gone in a couple of weeks.  I am counting the minutes.  I'm not kidding.

Yes, it's been an eventful day around here.  I'm still shaking from the cicada attack, but I'll be OK.  As for my husband, he'll be OK too.  I promise.  I'll take really good care of him, keep him medicated and well feed--just as long as he protects me from those horrible Cicadas--I just hate them, I really do!

Yes, go ahead and laugh.  He did, and even though I am not laughing, I'll forgive you if you do, it's OK, it really is.