This week we said goodbye to our beautiful Shetland Sheepdog. She was only 10 years old and she had cancer. We've known since January when a large tumor was removed from her lower back. I guess I should be thankful--she lived another 9 months. Everyone (the Vets) were surprised at how well she was doing. Right up until the very end, she played, loved her walks, and was seemingly happy. However, those last couple of weeks--well, things went downhill quickly. I won't go into detail, but we knew, we just knew, our baby dog was in pain. She wanted us to let her go.
Putting a dog down is one of the hardest things in life for me. I am a total and complete dog person. I grew up with dogs, my kids grew up with dogs and now as an empty nester, I still have dogs. I will always have a dog. And I have loved this dog, my Lacey, with all my heart. She was super intelligent, very intuitive and completely and unconditionally loving. We took her everywhere with us, we traveled with her, romped through parks with her, took long car rides--yes, she was a trooper.
Each and every time I go through this horrible ordeal of losing a dog, I wish I had never owned one.
And then I go and do it all over again. Because I love them. Their hearts are so big, their love so undying, how can one not love (or have) a dog? So, if you are not a dog lover, you will probably have a very hard time relating to this blog post. And that's OK. But, I have to write about it. This is part of my everyday life. My life with my dog. I have sacrificed many things for my dog. Time, money, trips--you name it. I did it willingly because I love my dogs.
God has given us, no, blessed us with such companions. I am so thankful for that. I know that in time I will grow to love my newest little sheltie. I know that she too will hold a special place in my heart. And even though I am telling myself--don't love her quite so deeply, I will. I know I will. For I am a sheltie mom--through and through. I just love them.
So, Monday afternoon at 2:45 I hugged my Lacey girl goodbye for the very last time. After she died, I sobbed for 24 hours straight. Now I'm down to making it a few hours without breaking down crying. I'm almost afraid to go anywhere or do anything for fear of crying. Everything reminds me of her. I miss her so much.
I'm getting better though. I'm letting myself have time to grieve. I'm allowing myself to feel sad. I know that as each day passes, I'll feel a little better. I know she is pain-free, I know that she felt tremendous love and I know that God put her on this earth just for me.
And I am so thankful for a husband who understands. He has held me when I cried my eyes out and he has cried right along with me.
I do know that this pain is real. This love for my Lacey girl is real. And I also know that God will heal this pain, and mend my broken heart. He always has, He always will.
2 comments:
I loved the way Lacey waited at the bottom of the stairs each morning for me to come down. She was such a beautiful and sweet girl. I will miss her too, but I can't wait to meet your new little one. 😁
Tina 🐾🐶
Writing through my tears, it's been 9 months since we had to put down our Gordon Setter. It was the trip of my life to attend midnight mass at St. Peter's and hear Pope Francis celebrate Jesus' birth. Then the call before getting on the long flight home that Rocky collapsed. The highest high in my faith to the lowest low, having to say goodbye to my friend. I have not gotten past the mourning. I am sorry for your loss. I also understand the moment when you have to give back to this creature the same love he/she has given you and let them rest in a place where there is no pain. The hope for me is seeing all of my dogs again happy in heaven waiting for me as they did so many times in our house. They are so missed. Sharing your grief and prayers that your new little one will bring new joyous memories.
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