A Piece of Me

I read an interesting quote a few days ago, and in my opinion, it was true insight into whom I have become over the last 5 years, it read;
 "You get a strange feeling when you leave a place like you'll not only miss the people you love, but you miss the person you are at this time and place because you'll never be this way ever again"
Azar Nafasi

Without even realizing it, I have changed.  I have grown.  It's one thing to acknowledge that throughout our lives as we mature.  However, it's quite another to believe it, at least it is that way for me.

So, to break down this quote, to simplify it and absorb it, I guess I need to analyze my feelings and emotions and thoughts.  One by one, line by line--for yes, it has moved me that much.

I do get a strange feeling when I leave a place.  I wonder if I'll be remembered and if I'll be missed?  I wonder if I've done all that God had intended me to do?  Or have I missed the mark?  Did I bail too quickly?  Did I pray hard enough, long enough?  Was I kind, loving, forgiving?  Or is that strange feeling sometimes upon leaving--one of regret, guilt, and shame?  These are the things I've pondered of late.  Have I accomplished anything at all during my time in that "place?"

Will I miss the people that I have grown to love?  Yes, I truly will.  For in just 5 short years in Chicagoland, I chose to love people--to open myself up to them.  I was vulnerable, open, and defenseless to all manner of criticisms as well as compliments, etc.  And yet, I believe that over time they loved me back.  They became my friends.  They grew to understand, accept and love me too.  We, in a sense, became like family.  I will miss these family members more than I could ever express in words.  Do they know that?  Can they feel that?  Do they hear me when I tell them my truth?

I want these friends of mine to understand how much my knowing them has changed my life.  I have become better, different, more loving and caring.  I have "grown up" because of them.  I have changed.  Yes, even at my ripe old age--I have matured in a more significant way that I have in the past.  Or maybe it's just that I recognize it more.  Maybe that's it.

Yes, I will miss the person whom I have become because of them.  I like me better now.  I am more comfortable with myself.  Why?  I think it's because they accepted me for who I am.  With all my quirks, and weirdnesses--they liked me anyway.  Which in turn, made me like me--just a little bit better.  Since knowing these friends, I have also accepted myself--and believe me that is huge.  Huge!  For I am the hardest person to please and accept--when it comes to me.  I am hard on me.  I don't measure up, I never have.  Self-confidence is not my strong suit.  I do however have confidence in my God, and sometimes people tend to get those two mixed up.

So this place in time, this road in my life, will never be traveled upon again.  And maybe that's a good thing.  Maybe I've gleaned all that I can from "this place", maybe I've done all that I could do, said all that I could say and prayed all that I could pray.  I guess--it's done.

I will leave a piece of me here.  And I will take a piece of all of you with me.  Forever.  No one can ever take it away.  No one can ever replace you.  No one can ever change me back.  For you have been left with a piece of me.  And I think, no, I believe that that is exactly how God intended it to be.

Thank you, my friends, for taking such good care of me.  I'll miss you forever.