Lighthouse

I don't know about you, but there is always something for me to pray about.  Always.  Which means that there is a restlessness in my spirit most of the time.  I walk around praying, thinking, and yes, I'll admit it--worrying, to some extent.  It leaves me feeling unsettled at times.  So, I pray, and pray, and pray some more.

I wonder sometimes--is this the life of an intercessor?  This hard to explain feeling of what? actually, uneasiness?  I'm not sure.  Is it the calling, or this pure humanness of mine that makes me this way?  I'm really not sure.

What brought these thoughts and questions to light was the sermon that our pastor preached last Sunday.  Something he said triggered a memory--a song.  And since I am a complete and total worshiper at heart, many times God speaks to me through music.  One such song was from long, long ago.  A song by The Imperials.  I can't remember the name, but I sure remember the song.  It was about a ship out on rough seas at night during a storm.

The minute the song about that ship came to mind, God began to speak to me.  You see, that ship was trying to convince the lighthouse to move and adjust its course.  Over and over the ship called out for it to move.  Get out of my way, adjust your course.  Finally, the lighthouse calls out--I AM THE LIGHTHOUSE--adjust your course.  I still get chills when I think of that song.

I get chills because I am always asking God to adjust His course.  Let me have my way.  Because frankly sometimes I don't understand His ways.  I'm just being honest here.  I really do act this way at times.  And I believe that last Sunday God was bringing it to my attention.  He wants me to stop.  He wants me to adjust my sails, trust Him, and let Him do His job.  After all, He is the lighthouse.  And I, well, I'm just a simple little boat.

I began to think about doubt, faith, and trust.  Do I trust Him?  Do I doubt Him?  Do I have faith that He will shine His light where it needs to shine?  Do I really have faith in Him?  And do I have a choice?

Yes, my thoughts this week have been about lighthouses.  What was their purpose?  How did they play a part in navigation?  And most of all, how does this effect my relationship with the God I serve?

Either I believe or I don't.  Either I trust Him or I don't.  Either I adjust my sails, or...what?

It seems like it's always something.  Family, friends, neighbors, illness, death--so many things to pray about, and to trust God for.  It can become so overwhelming for me as a pray-er.  I'll admit that most of the time I take on way too much.  So maybe it's time for me to adjust my course and let Him light the way for me.  Because sometimes it's just too dark for me to see.  I need a lighthouse.