When I was a kid I used to love watching westerns on TV. I know, it's not very girly girl, but I'm just being honest here. Yes, I loved westerns and still do. I love horses, I love the "white hat" concept, and I love wide open spaces. I can remember riding through the foothills of northern California on my beautiful chestnut gelding feeling like the queen of the world. I would ride through tall grasses just singing and praying away. All alone, just me and my horse riding through the wonderful countryside thinking about God and thanking Him for anything and everything. It was a wonderful time in my life--my horse life.
I believe that is is why the concept of my heavenly father owning the cattle on a thousand hills is not a hard one for me to grasp. I would ride through wave upon wave of golden hills and I could imagine 1000's of hills just full of God's cattle. In fact I once had the privilege of going on a short cattle drive. It was and still is one of the highlights of my life. So I guess you could say that I know horses, cattle and foothills pretty well. At least I like to think so.
Right now in my Bible study and my small group (couples Bible study) we are studying the books of Nehemiah and Proverbs. Thinking about the discussions we've been having has my brain swirling. We've been talking about generosity and giving, which is really appropriate considering the time of year it is. This is kind of where my thoughts have been going these past few days--
I'm wondering now if I ever truly realized just how poor we were at times when I was a little girl. All those trials we went through as a family, all those times when God miraculously met our needs, all those times of answered prayers--and I'm wondering, is that why God has given me such a tender heart? I've been told so many times throughout my life that I have a bleeding heart--and they didn't mean it as a compliment. Usually it was during political discussions, of now which I try hard to avoid if at all possible. I am a slow learner though, and every once in a while I just have to say something!
You see, I learned through being poor, well, what it truly means to feel rich. What? Yes, when I was oh so poor, I was really oh so rich at the very exact same time. I learned through being poor what it meant to identify with others. I also learned why giving is so important. Because if it is truly my father who is so very rich and if I am so very poor then why am I so stingy with His money? It isn't mine after all. It is His, and it always will be. I am His, all I have is His, and if He wants me to give--give I will.
When my husband first met me, I'm pretty sure he thought that this was a nice cute little attribute for me to have. And then we got married. And things changed. We had a budget to follow, and things to spend money on, and bills to pay. And there I was wanting to give it all away, because I just knew that God would meet our every need. It was a hard concept for my husband to grasp, this giving nature of mine. It took years for him to understand that in the middle of our just getting by, it was still important for me to give. It was especially important during the holidays. How could I even begin to justify buying presents for my children when I knew there were kids out there that would be waking up to absolutely nothing on Christmas morning? The thought was an overwhelming one for me. Why? Because many times I used to be one of them!
I could identify with them. Thankfully my husband would indulge me and our little family would play some small part in helping out others less fortunate.
It didn't take too many years for my husband to come around to my way of thinking. Well actually he had his own way of thinking. It was a lot like mine only different. I learned that all along he had the same heart, he just showed it in different ways. And as the years passed we eventually came to place in our marriage where these hearts for God merged. We came to an understanding of what was important to one, was just as important to the other, we just had our own ways of expressing our hearts for God. I now see my husband as one of the most giving people I've ever met. He's always been that way, it's just that now I can see it, I can look back over the years and see where his generosity impacted the lives of others and also of me and our family.
He did something last year that I am going to share here in my blog. He'll be embarrassed when he reads it, but oh well, it's my blog. A few months ago we were driving home one cold rainy day. We had stopped at a red light. When we started up again I noticed my husband looking back in the rear view mirror, he kept looking and looking, and then he finally pulled over, he said--I'll be right back. He jumped out of the car, and gave the coat right off his back to an older man holding a sign. He was working--holding up an advertisement, making minimum wage, in the freezing rain, with no coat. It broke my husband's heart. He got back into the car, wet, no coat, too emotional to talk--we rode home in silence.
Right there in that moment my heart was overwhelmed. I was so very thankful for the man that God had brought into my life. This caring, thoughtful, tenderhearted man who gave the coat off his back to someone in need--it's no wonder I love him so much.
Yes, we might be different in our ways of giving--but we truly have the same heart. Because there is no doubt in our minds who owns the cattle on a thousand hills. What we think of as ours, is really Gods, we gave it all to Him the day we accepted Him into our hearts.
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