I had to count and recount them over and over again in my head. And then I wrote all the names out. Every school I'd gone to. Year after year--yep, 13 schools. That's how many schools I went to, and I didn't even go to kindergarten. It's hard for me to even imagine going to all those different schools, all those other cities, and all those various, gut-wrenching first days. 13 times. 13 schools.
I went to seven elementary schools. It did a number on my psyche, I can tell you that much. Imagine being 6 years old and walking into 1st grade for the very first time. My teacher was a very mean older woman who did not like the idea that I had missed kindergarten. I didn't know how to really behave in a classroom setting; I hadn't yet learned to read, and to top it off, I was a timid, quiet girl. Until I got to know you, that is, and then all bets were off. It turns out that I was a talker, and she hated talkers. It was a rough year for me; fortunately, the years and schools that followed were much easier to navigate. I was a quick learner. It also helped that I had a high IQ and was an observer, which were invaluable tools in the schools that followed.
As we moved from house to house, city to city, and school to school, several things began to happen that shaped my personality and character. Fortunately for me, I am an optimist by nature. For that reason, I was able to overcome many of the obstacles thrown in my path. What would have taken some down made me a stronger, more resilient person. Don't get me wrong — I still deal with feelings and emotions that are fraught with negative implications. However, I believe it's all about how you perceive your life — that perception keeps me afloat.
For example, if I believe that God directs my steps, then who am I to question the path He lays out for me? If I think that He protects me, then wouldn't He protect my heart, too? And if I believe that He loves me more than any other person on the face of this earth loves me--then who am I to question that love?
So, with that in mind--I chose not to dwell on the number of schools I attended, the number of homes I lived in and the number of scary first days that I endured--instead I choose to have a thankful heart for the people that I've met along the way, for the ability to adapt quickly to new situations, for the heart that He's placed in me to love and care for others, for the love of all things new and fun and for the husband that He blessed me with. You see--my husband has been the one stable factor (other than God, of course) in my life. I met him when I was 17. He has been my confidant, my best friend, my sounding board, and so on. He is the one who helped me turn my upside-down childhood into a right-side-up adulthood. He is a wonder to me--a miracle, a true gift from God. It is a blessing when he comes alongside me, helps me to understand and make sense of a crazy world, and is patient with me all at the same time. And while in the midst of it all, I am given all the time I need to figure things out for myself.
It's hard sometimes. I'm not going to lie. There are days that I question my upbringing. There are days that I question my insecurities. However, most days I don't. Most days, I am grateful. Most days.
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