Dear Jack,
I have no idea how I will begin this letter, for it will be the last thing I ever write to you. My heart has been shattered into a million pieces, and I am trying hard to hold it together. You are now resting in the very arms of God. I know this, Jack. I know that I know that you are with Jesus. When you were just a little boy, you asked him to come and live in your heart. Little did you know that no matter what type of life you choose to live after that, God promised he would never leave or forsake you, and he never did. He was always with you. Always. I miss you so much, Jack. The pain of your absence is unbearable.
I remember you asking me questions about my faith. You were curious, and so was I. I have questions, too. Sometimes, I'd have to say, I don't know, and other times, I'd give you short answers for you to process on your own. And that's what we must do: work out our own salvation. So, even though my heart is aching, I am at peace because you are with Jesus, and I will see you again one day in heaven. So, don't worry about us down here. OK? God will take care of us.
Jack, when your mom called me to tell me that she was going to have a baby—my very first grandchild- I was so excited. Of course, you have heard all the stories about how you were supposed to be a girl. Surprise! Your grandma Gumm had to convince me that you were indeed a boy! And little Jack was born. I had the strangest sensation when I first held you in my arms. I told your mom that I felt like I had had another baby and given you to her. I guess it's a mother-daughter thing. I don't know. But wow, Jack, you have just had the best mom (and dad) ever. You know that, though. It was so evident in your close relationships with them. And, then, there was the sister…such a cutie. She worshiped the ground you walked on, although sometimes one wouldn't know that! I was so happy that you ended up being great friends.
When Grandpa and I heard you all were moving to DC, I was so excited that we were only six hours away. We spent countless joyous times together—our big Penick family with aunts, uncles, and cousins—BBQs, pizza, and so much more—all centered around food. We truly loved those moments, didn't we?
Jack, I have cherished every moment of the 22 years God gave me with you. I have loved you fiercely. I would have moved mountains for you if you had asked. I adored your kind, gentle heart, bright smile, and even your long, beautiful hair. I loved everything about you. I loved watching your baseball games, watching Grandpa let you drive his convertible, and watching you hang out with your dad—two peas in a pod and such great friends. I loved our trip to Amsterdam and Paris, and even our shared space cake—don't tell anyone. Remember how we laughed until our stomachs hurt? Such beautiful memories that I will hold forever in my heart. I have all my crazy photos to look at and cry over. Thank you for being such a good sport about it.
Jack, you were my first grandchild, and you'll always be my first grandbaby. I love you so much. Now, lean in here, Jack. I need to whisper something in your ear. I have a secret to tell you—you're my favorite. You are my special boy. Just don't tell the other cousins; they all think they're my favorite, too. And they are, all of you are.
Jack, I will always carry you in my heart. I promise to be there for your mom, dad, and sister. So don't you worry. We will take care of each other. I love you, sweet boy. I am here to support and comfort our family, just as I know you would if you were here.
Love, Grandma
