Expectations

I never really thought about expectations concerning my children.  While raising them, I did think about their welfare, whether they were fed, clothed, housed, etc.  But expectations?  No.  Expectations for myself, however, were high, very high.  By nature, I am a perfectionist.  I expect perfection from myself, but not really for or from others.  At least that's what I'd like to think.  But, now I think I'm wrong.

As my children were growing up I was probably more of a disciplinarian than most of my friends.  I was strict.  There were rules.  Are those expectations in and of themselves?  I'll have to think about that.  As children, my kids were taught what not to touch, where not to go, what not to say, how to pick up after themselves--so I guess those were types of expectations.  It was important to me that they learned how to function as a group or a team.  They all had jobs to do around the house, which multiplied according to their age and ability.  I expected them to learn to get along, work well together, and pull their weight.  However, I also realized that this was something that had to be taught, that it was not something that was innate.  There was training involved and teaching and nurturing.  And, I realized that it could go wrong, very wrong if I did not stay on top of things, if I did not correct myself as I went along, or if I became lazy in my training.

So, I guess I did have some expectations after all.  Maybe without realizing it, I was grading myself on the future outcome of my children's lives.  Would they become useful adults, good citizens, Christians, spouses, parents--would they be awesome people?  And whether I was aware of this or not--in my mind, all of this would eventually reflect on my parenting skills.  Would I fail?  Would all of my efforts go unheeded?  Or, would they surpass all of my expectations?  

I am going to share something here that my youngest son wrote to me the other day.  He wrote it via Facebook and since it is a public forum I am going to repost it on my blog and also my response to him.

From my son--I know it isn't mothers day, but as I sit here writing up my family bio for our adoption home study, I am so grateful to God for your obedience to scripture in raising me. For sacrificing 'stuff' to put me in Christian school, for sacrificing time to teach me about the gospel, and for being patient and trusting in Christ for my salvation. You and dad both were such an amazing example of Romans 2. I love you both so much!


My response--I feel blessed beyond measure to have you for a son. You have far exceeded all my expectations. It was a pleasure to raise you and to watch your growth and progress as a child and then as an adult and an awesome man of God. And thank you for being patient with us as parents--we were still learning too, and relied heavily on prayer to make those sometimes difficult decisions on discipline and nurturing. I am so proud of you Curtis, the way you are with your wife and son makes me a mother who is filled with joy. I love you too, much more than I could ever express with mere words. I will continue to pray for you and your family until I take my last breath. And now, I must go and wipe my eyes.


Yes, I guess I did have expectations for my children.  I had them and didn't even know it at the time.  I thought I was just doing my job.  I was being a mom,  I was loving my children and doing my very best.  I was depending on God for every last detail.  I relied heavily on Him for insight, ideas, everything.  And by reading this little note from my son--well, I think things turned out fantastic!


I could not be more proud of my children.  I consider myself to be one of the most blessed moms on the face of this earth.  I am content and happy and satisfied.  Could I have done more?  Probably.  Could they have done more?  No.  You see--they have far exceeded my greatest expectations.  To me they are awesome--in every way they are perfect, they are my greatest accomplishment in this sweet life of mine.  And, I owe every bit of their lives and mine to God.  I am grateful.  I am thankful.  I am overjoyed.  I am speechless.


Expectations--it's probably better not to even know you have them, until the very end.  They are sweeter that way, don't you think?