Confession Time

It's almost Thanksgiving. And yes, don't worry, I am one thankful woman. I have much to be grateful for. I update my Facebook status each day with a "today I am thankful for" statement. And while they are all truthful, there's some pain in my heart. Just a little bit. Let me explain.

We will not be home this year for either holiday. Neither my children nor my grandchildren will be coming to Grandma's house. And I'm mad. Or sad. Or disappointed. Or something. I haven't decided yet. Maybe because I waffle between being mad and feeling sorry for myself on pretty much a 10-minute rotation. My emotions are winning. They are getting the best of me. Yes, they are winning.

I realize that I need to pray. But, honestly, I want to sulk a little first. Lick my wounds. You see, I will be seeing my grandchildren this Thanksgiving — all of them. So why am I not happy? I am. I am happy. I am very excited about seeing them. I can hardly wait. However, yes, I said, however. Why are they not coming to Grandma's house? I am bummed out about this one question. Silly, I know.

Also, they are not coming for Christmas. I have to go to them. They will not see grandma's Christmas decorations, many of which were bought expressly with them in mind. Like the little box with the train that plays a little song. Or the German spinning candles or the lighted village. Nope, none of it is coming out this year. So, to feel I have some control over the situation, I am refusing to put up any Christmas decorations that would remind me of them. Nope. My house will be just plain boring this year. Maybe a tree. Maybe. But that's it.

And, since they are not coming to grandma's house for Thanksgiving--I thought, why not decorate for Christmas before we even leave to go to their house for Thanksgiving? Why not--no one will see it anyway! Who cares! It really does not even matter to me. Not one little bit.

My husband, though, has seen right through this thin veneer of mine. He has brought up the decorations from the basement, set up 2 huge trees, and decorated them all the while playing Christmas music at full blast. Now I ask you — how does one stay in a bad, sulky mood with Christmas music playing? He has made it difficult. I'll admit to that. But I'm trying, I'm trying hard to keep that frown on my face.

However,  once again, he has made things right for me. He has dug below the surface of my heart to find out what is really bothering me about this holiday season. He has spent time with me, trying hard to make me happy, and to see the positive side. And while we have been talking, he has made my house cheery and bright. Trees are up, candles are lit, music is playing, and he keeps singing to me. My house, whether I wanted it to be or not, is now ready for the Christmas season. It looks downright festive! We will leave to celebrate Thanksgiving with our family, and when we return home, all will be well within the walls of this little house of ours. It will be Christmas time, and we will be grateful, happy, and thankful, feeling tremendously blessed.

Do you want to know what I'm really thankful for this year? He's sitting here right next to me. He is on his laptop, I am on mine. He doesn't like us to be in different rooms. The fire is going, music is softly playing, and as I type, tears are rolling down my cheeks. Thank you, God, for my husband — you knew just what I needed in this sweet little life of mine. A gift so great, so fantastic, so completely wonderful--a true man of God in every way, who loves me more than I will ever deserve.
Thank you, Father. And Happy Thanksgiving, everyone, wherever you are this year. May God richly bless you.