It's almost Thanksgiving. And yes, don't worry, I am one thankful woman. I have much to be grateful for. I update my Facebook status each day with a "today I am thankful for" statement. And while they are all truthful, there's some pain in my heart. Just a little bit. Let me explain.
We will not be home this year for either of the holidays. Neither my children nor my grandchildren will be coming to grandma's house. And I'm mad. Or sad. Or disappointed. Or something. I haven't decided yet. Maybe because I waffle between being mad to feeling sorry for myself on pretty much a 10 minute rotation. My emotions are winning. They are getting the best of me. Yes, they are winning.
I realize that I need to pray. But, honestly, I want to sulk a little first. Lick my wounds. You see, I will be seeing my grandchildren this Thanksgiving--all of them. So why am I not happy? I am. I am happy. I am very excited about seeing them. I can hardly wait. However. Yes, I said however. Why are they not coming to grandma's house? I am bummed out about this one question. Silly, I know.
Also, they are not coming for Christmas. I have to go to them. They will not see grandma's Christmas decorations, many of which were bought expressly with them in mind. Like the little box with the train that plays a little song. Or the German spinning candles or the lighted village. Nope, none of it is coming out this year. So, in order to feel as though I have some control over the situation--I am refusing to put up any Christmas decorations that would remind me of them. Nope. My house will be just plain boring this year. Maybe a tree. Maybe. But, that's it.
And, since they are not coming to grandma's house for Thanksgiving--I thought, why not decorate for Christmas before we even leave to go to their house for Thanksgiving. Why not--no one will see it anyway! Who cares! It really does not even matter to me. Not one little bit.
My husband though has seen right through this thin veneer of mine. He has brought up the decorations from the basement, has set up 2 huge trees, has decorated them all the while playing Christmas music full blast. Now I ask you--how does one stay in a bad sulky mood with Christmas music playing? He has made it difficult. I'll admit to that. But, I'm trying, I'm trying hard to keep that frown on my face.
However, once again he has made things right for me. He has dug below the surface of my heart to find out what really is bothering me about this holiday season. He has spent time with me, trying hard to make me happy, and to see the positive. And while we have been talking he has made my house cheery and bright. Trees are up, candles are lit, music is playing, and he keeps singing to me. My house, whether I wanted it to be or not, is now ready for the Christmas season. It looks downright festive! We will leave to celebrate Thanksgiving with our family and when we return home, all will be well within the walls of this little house of ours. It will be Christmas time, and we will be grateful and happy and thankful and feel tremendously blessed.
Do you want to know what I'm really thankful for this year? He's sitting here right next to me. Him on his laptop, me on mine. He doesn't like for us to be in different rooms. The fire is going, music is softly playing and as I type, tears are rolling down my cheeks. Thank you God for my husband--you knew just what I needed in this sweet little life of mine. A gift so great, so fantastic, so completely wonderful--a true man of God in every way, who loves me more than I will ever deserve.
Thank you Father. And Happy Thanksgiving everyone, wherever you are this year. May God richly bless you.
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