Brave

We have finished with the Bible study on the book Brave. Remember? I was going to let you know how I did. How it affected me. How it changed me. Did you know? But, not in the way I expected it to. How often, though, do things happen the way we think they should? And, how often are we even able to see ourselves the way God does?

So I went for several weeks, reading, writing, studying, and wondering — just how does this affect me? I wasn't feeling a connection to this particular book. I was OK with that, though. I was enjoying meeting a lot of the women who attend my new church. I was making friends. And frankly, that was good enough for me. I was enjoying myself.

That wasn't really good enough for God, though. I should have seen it coming. Maybe I'm a little slow. He had plans. I wasn't going to be let off that easily. It wasn't until the very last chapter of the book--that's when God began to show me some things about myself. Things that I don't really like to think about--things from my past.

The last chapter of our book on being Brave was on brokenness. I thought to myself--I'm not broken. I'm not. That's what I kept saying to God. I'm not broken. Yes, it's very true that I am tender-hearted, that I cry easily, that I can empathize with the best of them--but broken? No. Not me. I was not broken. However, very gently (as He always does), God took me down a road--the road of my childhood.

I was right, you know. I am not broken as an adult. I was, however, broken as a child. I didn't even think about that aspect of brokenness. My heart as a child had been broken, and through that brokenness, God has been able to use me to help others. I realized, via a scripture we read today, that I have been healed. My broken childhood is gone; it no longer exists. At least that's what I thought--until today. He showed me that even though He has healed me from the brokenness of my childhood, I still bear scars. And through those scars, I can walk alongside others who are hurting. I feel their pain, I cry with them. And I thought all along that I had chosen Psychology on my own...little did I realize--God had a plan.

In the book of Ruth, chapter 2, verse 10, Ruth says to Boaz--¹⁰ At this, she bowed down with her face to the ground. She asked him, "Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me—a foreigner?"

And that's when it hit me. I had found favor in God's eyes. He noticed me as a broken little child. He reached down, scooped me up, and healed me. He came after me. He found me. He is truly my redeemer. That is why, as an adult, I did not identify with this last chapter in our Bible study book on brokenness. I am no longer broken. A few cracks? Yes. But broken no. I have been redeemed, I am broken no more. However, I am a crybaby, an empathizer, a counselor, a friend; I feel things deeply, and I now know that I am those things because of what God has done in my heart. I identify with His children, his broken children. That's what I cry about,  I cry for the people whom God loves, I cry for the broken-hearted, I cry for what He cries for. Why? Because I've been there.

I'll write about that broken childhood one day. And when I do, I'll share it all. It will have to be in God's perfect timing, though. Just as He heals me layer by layer, piece by piece, bit by bit, I will share my life through these pages. A little at a time. And, He'll be with me as I write, so I won't be afraid--I'll be brave.