It's OK to be Sad

It's OK to be sad sometimes. There are just some things that can't be fixed or changed. I accept that. Sometimes. I accept that sometimes we don't get what we want. Or even what we think we want. And during those times, well, I think it's OK to be sad. Just for a little while, just for a bit.

I'm sad right now. It just occurred to me that I won't be seeing my only daughter and my 2 oldest grandchildren at Christmas. Now this is not something new, this just didn't come out of the blue, this wasn't just sprung on me. No, I've known about it for some time. It's just that my emotions hadn't quite caught up with my brain. I knew it in my head, but I didn't know it in my heart. And, even though I will be with my sons and their families over Christmas, I won't be with my daughter, and that makes me sad. I just love it when all of my chicks are safely tucked under my wings, and I feel that all is well with the world. In other words--I want to be with ALL of them.

Yes, it took a while to realize that she won't be with our family this year. And then just tonight, as I was sitting here looking at beautiful pictures of snowy Christmas nights, it hit me that I won't be with my daughter. I began to cry. So, that means blogging. It helps me to blog. It's extremely therapeutic. You see, if I tell my husband about my feelings, or if he (heaven forbid) saw me crying, he would immediately try to fix this unhappy situation. He'd jump to my rescue. It's what he does. He loves me. But he's a fixer. And I don't want to be fixed. Yes, he'd be trying to buy me a plane ticket to be with her over Christmas, or maybe even try to manipulate my daughter into changing her plans. Wouldn't her in-laws love me then?

I'd rather just sit here--cry, rock, type, feel sorry for myself, and feel sad.  I'll be OK in the morning. I keep myself really busy. And anyway, there's always next year. It's just that right now I miss my family so much, especially during the holidays. I try hard to not think too much about it. However, you know how it is late at night. Sitting all alone in front of the Christmas tree, with no other lights on in the house. Your mind starts traveling down memory lane, and the next thing you know--boo hoo all over the place.

I miss my kids being little, too. These last few years with them all grown up have been such a hodgepodge of emotions for me — I feel such great pride in who they have become, and, at the same time, sadness because they are all grown up. Where have my little babies gone? Why can't time stand still? At least I have my little grandchildren now. I love them all so much. And I do love being a grandma. But one day soon, they'll grow up too — this sucks...

Am I being a little too honest here? A little too melodramatic? Probably--but that's OK because it's OK to be sad, if even for a little while.  And, this is my blog, and I'll write what I want, and I'll cry if I want to.

OK, enough, it's time to stop, wipe my tears, blow my nose, and go watch a sitcom on TV, which always helps.  That is, if I can hear the TV over my husband's snoring.