Waiting For It

I don't know how most people feel about Christmas, but I do know how I feel about it.  It's absolutely hands down my favorite holiday.  It means much more to me than I even let on.  And I let on a lot.  I am sure that most everyone who knows me well thinks that I am somewhat of a Christmas nut--a freak, a kook.  I usually over decorate, over bake and over eat.  I play too much music and am in just too good of a mood throughout the entire season. I can't help it, I love--plain love this time of year.

My love for Christmas has grown exponentially with each passing year.  Until now.  Now I am a little worried.  No, not worried, just maybe a little perplexed.  You see, it hasn't hit me yet and it's December 3rd already.  Don't get me wrong, outwardly no one would be able to tell.  I've hidden it well--this vacancy in my heart.  At least I think I have.

I'm a little stymied.  When is it going to happen?  I keep asking myself this question.  When will I have that thing happen?  That que or trigger that clicks on in my brain that says pow--it's here!  Christmas is here!  I'm still waiting.  Will it come when I'm at the Christmas Market?  Or at a mall that has been all decorated? Or will it come when I'm sitting at home wrapping gifts, or listening to music?  Will I be in my car one evening driving around looking at lights or will I be at church singing about the birth of Jesus?  I don't know.  Because each and every year of my life it has happened at different times and places.  The adrenaline rush that I feel--that rolls through me in a minutes time, that feeling of joy and anticipation that is so overwhelming--when will it happen this year?  It's late and that worries me.

So, I will wait patiently.  I'll wait for the thrill, and I'll continue to participate in the season, I'll shop and wrap and bake and look and sing and wait.  I hope and pray that it comes soon though.  But what if this year it doesn't come?  I think that's what I am afraid of.  When will I get my rush?