Risk Taker/Rule Breaker

I once had a saying--I'm not a risk taker or a rule breaker.  Funny how one can have a motto and not even know it.  I did though.  Especially the risk taking part.  I don't particularly like taking risks.  Some thrive on it.  Not me.  At least that's what I thought.  Risk taking for me is scary.  It's putting myself out there where I might (or might not) get hurt.  It's exposing myself to others and it's being transparent.  It's setting aside fear and stepping off a ledge--free-falling into the unknown.  That's my perspective anyway.  It's frightening and terrifying and I just plain do not like taking risks.  At least that's what I thought.

And yet the life that I live says something completely different about me.  So, if I live life one way, and if I walk out my life in a certain way, and if I do something a specific way--then it must speak to what is true about me.  It was something a friend said to me in passing that gave me pause, she made an innocent statement meant as a compliment.  It was one of those declarations that opened my eyes to the truth about who I really am.  I am a risk taker.  I guess.

She said to me one afternoon--I wish that I was as brave as you.  You go anywhere, do anything, move to new places, travel to foreign countries, and you never think about your age, your health, danger, language barriers--nothing.  No worries, you just go!


She's wrong though in one aspect--I do think about all those things.  Every last one of them.  I always have.  Those are the things that I pray about.  I pray and ask God to show me each step to take.  Should I move there, go there, do that, even to the point of should I walk down that street if it looks a little scary.  I depend on God's guidance for every little detail of my life.  I've been unnecessarily teased for it too by those who don't understand what life is like for me and others like me.  In our heart of hearts, we aren't really risk takers, but because we are fully dependent on God's protection and leading we end up taking huge risks.

I am not brave.  Believe me, I'm not.  However, I refuse to live a life of fear.  When I pray and when  I hear--I do and go.  It was a big risk for us to move across the nation.  We moved from one culture to another.  I never realized just how big the US was until I moved away from California.  It's huge!  And, it's multicultural.  It really is.  There are so many differing beliefs and attitudes, styles and accents.  It's a fascinating sociological study.

Also, when moving here I knew that most likely my children would meet their future someones and settle down out this way.  It was a risk that I was willing to take because I had prayed and trusted.

And, I know that it is a big risk every time I step foot on an airplane and onto another country, but it brings me excitement and joy.  And yes, I think about my health and my age--which is why I take care of myself.  I'm not going to stop living due to fear of the unknown.  I'm going to risk it, and go and see and do.  And not worry about the what ifs.

I'm finding that the older I get the more risks in life I'm willing to take.  I don't want to be laying on my deathbed one day thinking--I wish I'd done this or that.  If only I had...
No, I want to be laying there thanking God for all the wonderful life experiences that He allowed in my life.  For every aspect of my life, from the people, He brought into it, to the homes and cities I've lived in, to the countries I've visited--I will always be so very grateful.

And as for as rule breaking, well, I still don't like to break the rules.  They are put in place for a reason.  I don't speed, or cross the street on a red light.  And I never J walk--no way.  Rules make me feel safe.  And maybe that's the point--I can take a risk if I'm held together by some rules.