Pray Them Home

 It's going to be difficult for me to write this. It's extremely hard to write about spiritual things. If you are not a Christian, then you might have trouble even believing a word I say. However, I will try. I told you that a couple of blogs back that I had something to tell you. I just needed time to process. I'm one of those. 

This is what happened to me, this is how I remember it. A few Wednesday nights ago, I was at our church. We have a small group that meets, has dinner together, and then studies the Bible in some fashion. Sometimes a book of the Bible, sometimes a study guide. My heart and mind truly have not been in tune with this, I went though. Mainly because my husband thought we should. I went for him. While there, we share what we call God Moments and also prayer requests. I haven't shared much of anything since Jack died. I was always so afraid of breaking down. But, on this particular Wednesday night, someone asked me how I was doing. I wasn't in a particularly good mood that evening. I just wanted to say, fine, I'm doing fine. I did not, though. 

My worst nightmare happened, and I broke. I started crying and said that I wasn't doing well at all. I told them a couple of things that God had shown me in my own prayer time. I was extremely honest and very vulnerable. I think they were all kind of shocked when I began speaking because I didn't hold back. I mentioned that I had thought it was my fault that Jack died, that I wanted him in heaven no matter what. So God took him home. It was very hard on me emotionally. By the time I got home, I was done. I did not pray that night; I told God I needed a night off. Yes, I do pray every night. That night I talked to God, but I didn't pray. I guess it never dawned on me that that was praying! 

The next day was horrible. I cried on and off all day. I was so angry. But then, something happened. I could feel my friends praying. I sensed God's arms around me. Holding me and telling me that I was going to be OK. Slowly, the vice loosened around my heart. And in one particular instant, I was me again. I was a daughter of the Most High God. And He loved me, and understood all that I had been going through. I continued to pray and thank God, telling Him over and over how thankful and grateful I was. I prayed much of the night. 

Something changed in me that night. Friends prayed, and I could feel those prayers. So God answered them, He heard them, and I was back. So weird, so very strange. And now I had a job, an assignment from God. That night, I heard it loud and clear. I knew instantly what God was telling me to do and began earnestly to pray. Do you want to know what God spoke to me that very night? He said, "Pray them home". How He knew that I knew just who He meant was a little freaky to me. But I knew. People that I loved began to flood my heart and mind, and I think I prayed for hours. I could see them like photographs flying through my brain. Again, so weird. 

That phrase "Pray them home" means so many things. Salvation, growth, healing, trust, love, obedience,  mercy, and on and on. Each person He brought to my mind fell into a category. Even me. So I prayed, and prayed and prayed. The next day, I felt like I was floating on a cloud, as if all was well with the world. But then, of course, I became fearful that maybe it hadn't really happened and that my sadness and hurt would come back. I tiptoed through the day. Hopeful, wishing, praying that God really did heal my broken heart. That's why it took me a few weeks to write about this. I had to make sure it really happened. Some might see this as a lack of trust in God. Maybe it was; however, he was OK with it. That much I know for sure.

To feel God's love for me has completely changed my attitude. I feel lighter, happier, and prayerful. I find myself praying all the time. When I think of someone or run into someone, I pray for them. I don't pretend to know what they're going through, but God knows. Just like He knew about me. He knows. 

I'm excited now. I am praying them home. All those who've wandered away from God, who are in a mess, hurting, and wanting God to show himself to them--I want to tell you something--He will. It's all about timing. It's so simple. He knows when we are ready. He knows our thoughts before we think them. And, when the moment is just right, well, a miracle happens, and we are back.

So know this, if you are a friend, relative, or acquaintance of mine--I am praying you home. And I won't stop until God lets me know that you're OK, too.