I'm going to get a little preachy here. I can feel it. I can tell. So, if you would rather not read this--don't. But, I need to write it. It's how I process. It how my brain works. Pray. Think. Write.
I woke up Sunday morning just like the rest of America to an alarming story unfolding in our nation. A horrific story. And it didn't make sense to me. Why, who, how? Questions we all asked--of ourselves and each other. We had a need, an internal desire to figure it out. To rationalize it, and then somehow, I guess, we thought it would make it all better. At least I did that. It's my nature. It's in my DNA to try and rectify and grapple with the goings on of this world around me.
The first day, I listened. To the news, to other's opinions, to my own thoughts. I empathized with the hurting--with the parents who lost children, and husbands who lost wives, etc. I had tears in my eyes, and I shook my head in disbelief. How could this happen? We all wanted to know. How did this guy get into a hotel with so many weapons with the purpose of killing so many people? And, what was his motivation? My thoughts went to this conclusion--a psychotic break with reality, a mentally disturbed person--something had triggered his decision to do what he did.
The second day, as I processed the entire story as it was unfolding--I prayed. I asked God to show me why a person would do such a thing. It just didn't make sense to me! And, as my mind usually does--my thoughts wandered. I thought of all the other things in this world that don't make sense to me. Divorce, cheating, lying, stealing, human trafficking, death, disease, drug use, along with hurricanes, earthquakes, and many other natural disasters--you name it, and most likely I thought about it.
As I mulled over these items--one thing stood out. They did not make sense. I could not reconcile them. They confused me. They brought me distress. I thought of the deaths of my nephews. Why? Why did they have to die? I thought of friends of mine who had been cheated on. Why? Why did they have to go through that? I ended up having so many whys in my prayer that I just had to take a breath, settle down, and then listen. I had to listen to what God was speaking to my heart.
So, this morning as I was driving to meet my friends for our regular Tuesday morning Bible Study--as I was singing and worshiping God in my car--it came to me. Nothing in this world makes sense. Nothing but God. He makes sense. He alone, He is what I understand. He is the only constant steady entity in my life. The only sure thing. He's the only person who will never leave me. He'll never divorce me, cheat on me, die on me. He's the only person whom I can trust. With my whole heart. He is it. He makes sense.
There I was driving, trying not to cry (or crash my car) and trying to act as normal as possible when I met with my friends this morning. I was a little more quiet than usual. I was still processing the fact that God made sense. I was still "having a moment" with God and probably should have just kept on driving, but I love being with my friends, so I got out of my car and went inside. However, all I could think about was that God made sense. And honestly--how do I convey that? It sounds too simple. And it is. But, it's not.
As a human, as a person, I see things through very dim lighting. Every once in awhile though, God turns that light on real bright. Just for me. Just when I need it. Just when I think I'm going down for the count. Just when I'm almost to the point of losing all hope--BAM, there goes the light. He turns it on and He drops a beautiful nugget of truth right into my heart. He said this to me--I make sense. And that's all I needed. I just needed to hear from Him. To hear His voice. His still small voice, that brings me comfort and peace.
Just to know that He is God. That He's still there. That He's all I need. And that He makes sense.
So, yeah, I'm a little preachy today. I'm a little overwhelmed by the mighty goodness and power of God. As humans continue to do things that don't make a lick of sense to me--God steps in, and God makes sense.
Today, I will continue to pray. I will read my Bible and study. I will get know God even better. And, I will continue to say--God makes sense. He has this all under control. God is sovereign, and He makes sense. And I am so very thankful.
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