I Tried So Hard

I tried so hard.  I did everything I could and then some.  Even my husband joined me in trying.  My children and grandchildren embraced you with their whole hearts.  I changed my entire life so that you would be comfortable.  I tried to make you happy.

We gave you our bedroom and bathroom.
We turned up the heat even though we were burning up.
I gave you coats, jackets, scarves, gloves and vests.
We walked your dog 4 times a day in any weather.
I took your dog to the groomer and vet each time you asked.
I cooked your meals.
I cleaned your room and bathroom.
I washed your sheets and remade your bed every week.
I did all your laundry.
I took you to your doctors' appointments.
I gifted you my older hearing aids because you did not have any.
I invited you to all of my activities.
I introduced you to my friends.
I took you to my church and Bible study.
I took you shopping and out to many restaurants.
I helped you with your knee replacement surgery.
I took you to physical therapy 3 times per week and even more doctors appointments.

And yet, you still were not happy.  You said you were homesick.  I get that.  You said that your dog did not like the snow.  I get that too.  However, I tried my hardest to make this your home.  To make you feel safe, loved and secure.  And yet, you were not happy.

I am at a loss.  I am out of ideas.  You did not like my home, my friends, my husband, my life.
Even though I was having fun--getting to know you all over again, showing you my life, my city, my family, and my friends.  I wanted so badly for you to settle in and just love us.  However, it was not to be.  No matter how hard I tried, nothing made you happy.
So, I guess it was time for you to go back to your home state and make a life for yourself that is not here with me.

I have so many fears for you though.  That you will not be happy there either.  That you will be unsafe, unprotected, uncared for and unloved.  These are my fears.  I am worried for you.

I realize that I am not in control of this situation and that you make your own choices, and when you do I hope that you remember this one thing.  That I love you and wish that you had stayed with me.

And that I tried so hard.