It was different this year. Our Thanksgiving. Instead of just having our kids over for dinner as guests, or our daughter and her family staying for a few days, something was different. This year, we have a permanent "roomie". My mom now lives with us. So, things weren't the same. They were better.
I think it's important to note here, just for the sake of conversation and as a point of information (or truth), that my mom was not a homemaker. She wasn't a cook, nor did she take much joy in cleaning, etc. She was a career woman. And I, on the other hand, went in the complete opposite direction. I became (in the words of my daughter) a Martha Stewart wannabe. I didn't know it at the time, in fact, I wasn't even aware of Martha when I got married and began taking care of my own home. I just knew that I loved cooking, cleaning, decorating, and being a mom.
I have found that, for me, holidays are like training for a marathon. I love everything about them. Planning, cooking, shopping, decorating--absolutely everything. Down to the last detail. And so, this past Thanksgiving was a little unusual. Our family changed once again. Where we once went from a couple to having children, to being empty nesters, we now have my mother living with us.
I'll be honest, it does change the dynamics of our home. However, I believe that change is good. It's stretching. It's a time of growth. And also, a time of giving. Giving of my heart, my time, my needs, and yes, even my desires. I had to change Thanksgiving up a bit this year. And while it was important for me to keep it much the same for my kids and grandchildren, it was also important for me to include my mom in the mix — without her feeling like an interloper. I desperately wanted her to feel a part of my little family. I knew that this year would be her first without my dad and that, although they were never much for the holidays, I wanted her to experience "my kind" of Thanksgiving.
There's a trick to making people feel comfortable, wanted, special, and loved. I find the best way to do this is to put myself in their shoes. Walk their walk. So, I did my best. Our daughter and her family came for the week. They also brought their golden retriever, so that made for a very full house--5 adults, 2 teenagers, 3 dogs, and a partridge in a pear tree! I stuffed people everywhere. My husband's office became my daughter and son-in-law's bedroom, my loft became my grandkid's bedroom, and the dogs just slept where there was enough floor space. We shared bathrooms, living room chairs, and sofas. Oh, and we thanked God for 3 toilets. It's funny what you're thankful for in these types of circumstances.
Yes, we were a little squished, but we loved it. Our sons came for Thanksgiving dinner with their families (thank you, God, they left their dogs at home). We colored placemats, played games, and watched Elf. We made new memories, and I loved every minute of it.
I know this will be the hardest first year of holidays for my mom. I know that Christmas this year might be especially hard, but I also know that she's here with me and I will take good care of her. I've been keeping her busy, that's for sure. I've dragged her from mall to mall and grocery store to grocery store. I've decorated for Christmas, baked my buns off, and shown her my dark side (my Martha side). I've worked hard to make her holiday special. And to give her that welcome feeling, that this is now her home too!
Thanksgiving for her this year was probably very loud and noisy, too many people, and too much home-cooked food. Too many littles, and too many dogs. However, I'll just bet you that she loved it, because it was a different kind of Thanksgiving for her, a different kind of thankfulness. It was that way for me. Different. Thankful.
I know that my dad is no longer with us. I know she is sad and misses him with all her heart. But, I also know that she brings value to my life and to the lives of her grandchildren and now great-grandchildren. So, while she's here on this earth, I'll be there for her. To teach her all my Martha stuff. To show her how crazy fun we all are. And most of all, to demonstrate to her the feeling of pure thankfulness that I have. I love having this special time with her — I sure hope she realizes it and feels the same way. I hope that in the midst of her grief--she feels love, and thankfulness also.
It's different, I know. But, I'm still thankful.
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