Impatiently Patient

Maybe it was a good thing that I didn't have time to delve into my bible study book this past week. Maybe God was protecting my heart. I think so anyway. I believe that about Him. He's always there, always protecting me, always shielding me from experiencing overload or too much pain at one time. There was something in that particular study that He wanted me to learn, alright, but the timing of it had to be just perfect. I had barely cracked open my book when my phone rang.

It was one of those scary calls. My mom was in the hospital and in serious condition. Fortunately, I didn't have anything really important on my calendar, so as I waited by the phone for more information on her prognosis, I prayed--all day. I'm going to step out on a ledge a little bit here. I hope my sister reads this blog post and understands why I am sharing this little story. It really isn't about her at all, but more about what God has taught me about myself in these last couple of days.

As my sister explained the details about our mother to me over the phone, she kept bugging me. She used profanity, spoke disrespectfully, and misunderstood some of my most basic questions.  In my opinion, we did not have a good conversation.  So the next day, when we spoke on the phone again, I let her know what my phone boundaries were.  I think she was a little shocked at first, but as time went on, she began to understand, and we ended up having a really good talk.  We spoke civilly to each other, clearly and without judgment.  It was nice to be heard rather than to be talked at.

Today, unbeknownst to me, God had a plan for my time at bible study. He was going to show me some things. He was going to give me some very clear insight into this little personality of mine. And boy, did He ever. I learned today that I do not have patience with others. That I am not merciful. And that I don't like to put up with people who irritate me. And, as I said earlier, my sister was plain old irritating me. Like sandpaper against sandpaper--was she ever going to smooth out? I really did wonder this!

I also realized this morning that God has been nothing but patient with me! He gently broke it to me that I was the one who needed smoothing out. I was the one who needed to change, not her. God is working out something in me; He is slowly changing me. Ever so gently. Had I started reading this Bible study chapter last week, had I seen the video before talking with my sister over the phone about our mother, I really don't think I would have understood this most important teaching from God. This life lesson would have been lost on me. I think I would have missed it. Yes, I am that hard-headed. I was thinking a little too highly of myself. I was living a lie.

So there you have it, my confession. I am impatiently patient. I prayed for quite a while this afternoon, and I caught myself asking God to hurry and make me more patient.  Have I not learned anything? I am happy that He loves me, I could almost hear Him chuckle at my nonsense.  I have much to learn, and I thank Him every day that He is my father, who is so very patient with me.  And when my sister called back this afternoon with some good news concerning our mom, we had a very good conversation. We talked for a long time. We shared some things. And I was patient. And God was gracious.

Galatians 5:22-23

New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)

The Fruit of the Spirit

²² By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against such things.