Rejection

Of course, I'm going to write about it.  It's all I heard yesterday while sitting in my church at Bible study.  The word kept bouncing off the wall like a great big rubber ball.  Rejection.  I think a lot of the women in the room were thinking about times in their lives when they had been rejected.  For them, the rejection might have come via a family member, a close friend, a spouse, or anyone really.  For me, it happened once.  Well no, more than that.  I've experienced a few smaller rejections that were not the most fun thing to go through but they did not scar me like the other did.  No, nothing took me more off guard like that other time.  Nothing hurt worse than being rejected by my closest friend, nothing.

Way back when my children were small I had a very good friend.  A best friend. Circumstances brought us together.  Church actually.  Our kids were the same age, as were we.  Our friendship grew and our families did a lot of things together.  We hung out, went camping, to movies, dinners, spent lots of time in each other's homes.  I felt very protective over this particular friend, I felt that she needed me. that God had brought her into my life for a reason.  She'd been hurt before, had had a rough childhood, and just needed a best friend to come along side of her and never ever hurt her.  I was that friend.  I would have laid down my life for her.

As far as I was concerned things were moving along smoothly, when quite suddenly I began to notice a change in our relationship.  Everything began to change, from our time spent together, to subtle remarks being made to other friends, and then them letting me know that she was talking about me behind my back.  Always the one to give the benefit of the doubt, I ignored the signs for weeks.  I just would not, could not believe that this was happening to our relationship--not us!  However, as the weeks progressed I realized I could no longer stick my head in the sand and suggested that we talk this out over lunch.  We met at a local restaurant.  After being seated I was promptly given a list, yes a list, a list of all my faults.  I will never forget this part, it was written on yellow legal paper--2 pages of things that I did wrong--2 pages of things she did not like about me.  After I picked my jaw up off the floor, we talked--for hours.

In the end, I knew that our relationship was over.  I had to face the facts, she did not like me, not one little thing about me.  I bugged her in every sense of the word.  I did nothing right, not one thing.  Our friendship was over.  I made my way back to my car and sobbed.  I wondered what I had done wrong.  I prayed and asked God to change my personality so that people would like me.  And I wondered--why did He make me this way?  If I was going to be rejected by my friends, why did He give me this annoying personality that no one liked?  You see, by her rejecting me, she made me doubt myself.  And in rejecting me she took others with her.  It became a tug of war over friends.  Only I wouldn't play her game.  I walked away.  I left the situation.  I left the church.  I would not defend myself, nor speak badly of her.  In my heart of hearts, I secretly hoped that she'd come back and apologize and that we would once again be friends.  Yes, I am that naive.

Funny how things work out.  Years later she did need me.  Years later she did apologize and she asked me to forgive her.  And I did.  I did forgive her.  She could not understand how I could so easily forgive her after all she had said and done.  But, how could I not?  I am a Christian.

By the time she finally reached out to me I had moved away.  I was no longer in close proximity.  What was sad to me was that she was never able to reap the benefits of our close friendship.  I would have been the best friend she had ever had.  In fact, I think in some ways I still am.  I still protect her, have never spoken badly of her and would do anything for her.  Because once my friend, always my friend.  To this day, all she would have to do is call, and I would be there for her.

So, what did I learn through that experience so long ago?  I learned that rejection always hurts--no matter who rejects us, it always hurts.  Sometimes more than others.  I also learned that God will always walk me through it.  I learned that I am always to forgive--7 times 70.  And I've learned that I never ever want to reject anyone.  I never want to hurt someone.  I really just want to be used by God.  I want to be someone who brings healing and restoration rather than someone who hurts and belittles someone.  That's what I learned through being rejected.  Because love--never fails!

Why am I writing about this?  I'm not sure.  Something has been stirring up inside of me, something that maybe I thought I should share.  Something that might, just might minister to others--someway, somehow.  And that's why I'm sharing this today.  For some reason God allows others to reject and hurt us.  I didn't say that he causes it, I said that he allows it to happen.  I have learned a lot through past experiences.  I have grown as a Christian.  I have grown as a friend.  I have had to try hard not to harden my heart against those who have hurt me.  I pray all the time that I remain open and honest and humble before my God.  Sometimes I fail.  Thankfully He never does.

Aren't I supposed to trade all my sorrow and shame for the joy of the Lord?  I think so.  Sorrow lasts for a night, but joy comes in the morning.  That's what the Bible says.  So no matter how bad I feel at the time, I know this--it's only for a time, an allotment of time--for joy, God's joy comes in the morning.  I believe that.  I trust that.  I wait patiently for that.  Even through times of rejection, I will wait on the Lord--that joy, that peace, that comfort that only comes from God--I will wait.