January Blues

I have a secret. I get them. January Blues--that's what I call them. Christmas done, gifts done, kids and grandkids done. All that's left is loneliness. I know. It sounds morose, selfish, and all things negative. What happened to the optimist? That's what I'd like to know. Where is she? Where has she gone? Why isn't she here making me feel better? Instead, I begin to think about things that bother me.  Things like--dark Winter sunless days, my husband going back to work, nothing to shop for, no reason (in their minds only) to get together with family, nowhere to go, nothing fun going on. So, I sit contemplating life. The unsweet part. And I don't like it, not one little bit. I hate January and what it does to me. It turns me into someone whom I don't even recognize. And that scares me.

This morning, I found myself rereading my past blogs, and I came upon the one titled "Lifetimes" and began to cry. Just a little, just a few tears, but it upset my husband. He wanted to know why I was crying, and it was so hard to explain. What do I say? That I'm watching my life slip through my fingers? That I miss my family so much it hurts? I wish we had tons of plans for January so I wouldn't have to face this awful month alone. Is that what I tell him? But no. It isn't what I said to him at all. I reassured him that I was just in an emotional spot and that everything was fine. I lied.

I think I need to plan some things. I need to get them on the calendar now before it's too late. Just for the month of January — February is fine; I've got lots going on in February. There's our anniversary, Valentine's Day, and 2 upcoming trips--lots of fun! March is even better. It's just this month--I've got to fix it--all by myself, I've just got to. I'll need to email friends and make some lunch dates. Bible study started up again today — that helps a lot. I'll need to plan some shopping trips and maybe a party or two. OK, I'm feeling better now. Much better. Stupid January--it gets me every year. You would think I'd be a little wiser, a little more heads up. However, I think the rush of adrenaline that comes from all things Christmas trips me up a bit.

So, I'm going to sit here in my cozy brown leather rocking chair, and I'm going to pray. I'm going to ask God to take the gloominess away--to please make January a little more sunny, a little less cloudy. Everything looks better in the sun, right? I think that praying along with planning just might fix my January Blues. At least I hope so.

Today in Bible study, we talked about the word Testament and how it meant covenant. That started my little brain working overtime. Because covenant to me means promise, and promise to me means hope, and hope to me means faith, and that comes right back to me having faith. Or not.  o I have enough? I only need my faith to be the size of a mustard seed. A tiny little seed, a tiny speck of faith--that's all I need, and maybe just maybe this January will be OK. I'll have to pray about this. I'll have to trust in the promise of my God to make everything OK. He always does. Why don't I remember that? Especially this month? Why am I so dense?

I'm so grateful that He is my Father, that He created me, and that He understands what I am feeling. I am so thankful that He is patient with me and that He gives me time to figure these things out.

January Blues--maybe they are just God's way of getting my attention. Maybe he just wants last year's focus to be on Him this year. He certainly has my attention now.