Going Home

There is the good and the bad of going home.  You know, the place where you grew up or spent most of your childhood.  The place where you went to high school.  That's what I mean by going home.  Not where you live now, not where your children live--but where you used to live.  Why we call it going home--I'll never know.  It must be from the memories of childhood, it is for me at least. It's those memories that I lean on for my visits home--the memory of friends and family--cousins mostly.

I have great fears though when returning to the place where I grew up.  For instance--what if no one cares that I am home?   Or doesn't show up for a reunion of sorts?  What if things are different between us?  The what ifs play through my mind and basically make me a nervous wreck.  My husband is always there to reassure me, I think he gets a little ticked that I walk around with so much self-doubt, but hey, at least I recognize it and talk about it and deal with it--kind of.  I verbalize my fears to him and I wonder--do they still love me?  Or have they moved on since I have moved away?  Huge fears--huge.

And so, this last visit--the one that I am in right now, the one that I am flying away from in the next couple of hours--has also been one of those visits.  The type where I wonder--do they care, will they show up to our get together's?  Do they really want to see me?  Or is it more of an obligation?

They did, they came, and I was so happy and relieved.  Especially with my family.  I love them so much and I really hope that they have a sense of my deep love for them.  There were 22 of us at our lunch yesterday.  Moms, dads, sisters, nieces, aunts, uncles, and cousins.  22.  Lots of us.  Laughing, talking so fast that we could barely keep up with each other.  Sharing stories and taking pictures.  It was fantastic for me.  It was pure silliness, pure fun, pure family.  I kept looking at them, not wanting to leave, thinking to myself, I wish I still lived here.  I miss them.  My family.  I wish that more of us could have come--maybe next time.  That's what we always say--maybe next time.  I live in a mindset though--what if there are no next times?  Let's do it now.


I also have great friends--the type I've had for years and years.  The type that will get together with me come hell or high water!  I was able to have a couple of awesome dinners with them--we caught up on old times and made some plans for the future.  We took up right where we left off last time.  It'll always be that way for us I think.

And as for those high school friends?  Well, we had our own little mini-reunion, and I was even able to reconnect with my best friend from high school this time.  It was a little hard at first, we hadn't really talked in years,  However, I have faith, I think we'll talk a little more after this.  I think we'll be just fine.

Reunions--they are all about reconnecting, picking up where you left off.  Hugging, crying, wanting so badly not to leave.  But, then looking forward to the next time.  The time where it all starts up again--family and friends--they make my heart happy.  So what is the good--seeing everyone and what is the bad--leaving everyone.

Until next time...