I grew up in the church. I was raised from age six on in a protestant denomination that was pretty large. It was called The Assemblies of God. And, what I am about to share, question, and ask about is going to make you mad. It isn't that I want to make anyone angry, it's that I have so many questions.
Every Sunday, we went to church as a family—a morning service and back then, an evening service. They were a little different in that in the mornings, it was a little more formal, singing, announcements, and the sermon. In the evening, a lot more singing and a lighter sermon. I truly enjoyed the evening service. I love to sing, especially about the God that I serve.
We also had a midweek service that was much more like a Bible study time. Smaller, more intimate, more studious. As a teenager, I went to a youth group. I also went on mission trips—as did my children. I'll write more about that later.
I have gone to church my entire life. I raised my children in church, and they still go. I am proud of that. My husband and I now attend a Methodist church, and my adult children and grandchildren participate in different denominations. I am completely fine with that. I love that they go.
I have great faith in God. I do not hesitate in my belief in Him at all. I read my Bible, I still sing my songs, I still go to church, and attend a bible study.
So, where is my disconnect? Was I lied to? I am not asking this question about the church I attend. Please know that. I am asking about the church where I grew up and raised my children. Did they lie to me?
You see, I have some questions about the mission trips we went on. Why did we go? We went to places like Mexico, indian reservations, Honduras, and Congo. We took food, medicine, eyeglasses, toys, midwife kits, and Bibles. We taught bible studies, held church services, and prayed for them. Why? What was the purpose? I want to know!
We were told to pray hard for them, to show compassion, to love them, to overlook their culture, and to try hard to understand it. To meet them at their level, to try to minister to them in a way they'd listen to us, to teach them the ways of Jesus. We told them they could come to God just as they were, because He loved them and died for them. That God was good. We lied.
Why did we lie? I don't know. That is truly my disconnect with the modern church. And, with today's so-called Christians. But we must have lied. Because now we put them in concentration camps, we tear their families apart. We don't provide clean water, enough food, or bathroom facilities. Why, because they are not as good as we are. They are brown skinned, dirty, smelly, and foreign. Ewwww, they must be bad. They must be criminals. Let's get them as far away from us as possible. Let's ship them off to countries that are similar to them. Who cares if that's not where they are from! They sure don't belong in our country! Let's beat them, rape them, kill them. That's what Jesus would do, right?
Is it? I need to know. Because if that is true, then my whole life is a lie. And, I want to rectify that lie now. It is bad enough that I am now questioning my own beliefs. But now I'm questioning yours. If you grew up like I did and can justify what is happening in our country today, then we are not the same. And you lied to me!
I wash my hands of the people who call themselves Christians; you are not. How can I judge you? Easy. You are known by your fruit. That's in the Bible, by the way. You are known by what you do, say, how you vote, how you love, care, and minister to those who are not like you, which means white, affluent, and privileged. Are you mad at me yet? How do you think I feel? You see, I was lied to by people just like you. You have broken my heart. You have let me down. You preached to me, took me to other countries, asked for money, donations of all kinds for those less fortunate, and now…look at you! You are hypocrites. And you lied.
So, don't tell me you are a missionary. You are a fraud. Does this make you mad? Good. You know how I feel now. Have I wasted my entire life believing in something fake? It is a question I now grapple with. Sadness, depression, and questions about people like you now dominate my prayer life. I ask God why? Why have his people betrayed his teaching and betrayed the church? Why have his people turned away from his ways and taken on such hard-hearted ways?
What is a person like me to do? I am caught in the middle. A pariah among my people, called names, made fun of, and thrown under the bus. I am a bleeding heart liberal (like Jesus), a libtard, and woke. Woke? As in, I woke up? I now realize that I was lied to. That woke? Yes, I am woke. I woke up.
You missionaries, you no longer fool me; I am no longer a fool. However, because I am a Christian, and I do serve God and follow his teachings, I will pray for you, for you have been led astray. You have been lied to, and you are walking in the opposite direction. You are lost. And I pray for the lost.
I wonder, though—who do you pray for?
