Dear Jack,
I didn't think I'd write to you again. I thought my last letter to you saying goodbye would be enough. After that, I had planned on writing about you. However, I just want to, I need to, talk to you once again. I haven't heard your voice for over 3 months, and I wanted to call and tell you happy 23rd birthday--like I do every year. Not this year, though; it would freak your mom out if I left a voicemail. I wouldn't want to do that to her. Can you imagine? Your mom sent me the voicemails saved on your phone of all the calls I had left for you, wishing you a happy birthday each year. I didn't realize you saved them. You are so sweet. I wish, though, that they were your voice I was listening to and not mine. I long to hear your voice once more.
So, this need to write to you was overwhelming. I have so much to share with you, and I miss you so much. Things are changing around here, and I want you to know what's been happening and what you are missing out on. For instance, we finally finished the shower in our room! You would love it; it's genuinely spa-like. You'd be lined up to use it if you were here. Arguing with Soph! I can just hear you guys. Also, we completely remodeled the basement--it's very boho hippie. We did it primarily for your sister. We knew it would bother her to go down there now without you. We brightened it up; hopefully, she'll use it in time. Don't worry; we're not putting any pressure on her. It's cute, although it might be too girly for your taste. Oh, and Caitlin got her learner's permit and is now driving all of us around (when we'll let her), and Micah is now taller than his mom. Also, he is giving up the piano and taking up the guitar. I would like to know if you influenced him over that decision. My friend just gave him a beautiful one in a nice case to start out on this new endeavor. It will be interesting to see how that'll play out. I'll let you know. I hope you are okay with me writing to you periodically. It's therapeutic for me. I just have that deep need to converse with you. I miss you terribly. I wish I could give you a big bear hug!
The leaves are turning, and the fall colors are just beautiful. Halloween is around the corner, which was one of your favorites. Your mom still decorated the house. She knows you'd love that. Oh, and you should see Pheobe! She's enormous but so very sweet. You picked out a good puppy, Jack; everyone loves her.
Grandpa had his knee replacement surgery. He was very nervous. I know you would be in school and working, the same as your sister, but I bet I would have tried to talk one of you into flying up and helping me with him. Instead, I have enlisted your uncle Curtis's help. Hopefully, he'll be as kind and patient as you. Hey, maybe I'll give Grandpa some space cake!
Jack, I know in my heart that you are rejoicing in heaven and are at peace with all God has for you. As Christians, we know that our lives don't end with death. We live forever with Him! So, I will be overjoyed when it's time to join you. I sometimes envision you sitting there with Jesus, smiling, playing your guitar, and singing. Just sitting quietly and worshiping him. I don't know. I just sense a real peace about heaven. And now, I look forward to seeing you again.
So, while you are not spending your 23rd birthday here on Earth with us, please know that we celebrate you daily. We think about you, cry over missing you, look at photos, and reminisce about the places we've been. We constantly talk about you and share funny stories. You are still a massive part of our lives and always will be. Our memories of you will have to sustain us until we meet you in heaven one day. And know this--our grief is as deep as our love for you.
If it's okay with you, Jack, I will write you a happy birthday letter each year and catch you up on the comings and goings of our family. There are many of us, so hopefully, if God allows you to see this, you'll be happy to learn of us--all our silly shenanigans.
Oh, by the way, your friends are amazing. They visit your folks regularly, watch sports with them, and eat your dad's good food. They all chipped in and are putting a memorial bench near where you used to go hiking. I can't wait to see it this spring. I plan on sitting there, thinking of you, and having a good cry. I miss you so much.
Don't worry about your family, Jack. We are all taking excellent care of them. We don't let too much time go by without a visit. Grandpa is helping with whatever needs they have. I am taking your sister shopping as much as possible. All of your aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents are very involved with them continually, just like I told you we'd be. They are doing okay, Jack. They will never be the same, but they will be okay. We will always be here for them and remind them to keep going for you!
Happy 23rd birthday in heaven, Jack. I miss you so much, and I love you. I would give anything to have you back here with me, but since that isn't possible, I will live a grand life for you and try to make you proud of me as your silly old grandma. Oh, I wish I could just say this to you now. You knew how I felt, which brings me so much joy.
Love, Grandma